Starting Over
by Obsessed Pam
Summary: Jack is recuperating and a retired member of SG1 returns temporarily? to the fold to the indignation of a bad tempered colonel. N.B. Nell, you're amazing as my brilliant beta! Your attention to detail keeps me on my toes and your insightful c
1. Chapter 1

Starting Over Part 1

Sitting in Dr. Frasier's office, the two men were deep in conversation, their eyes constantly straying to the curtained-off area just visible through the partly open door.

"Do you intend discussing this turn of events, Daniel Jackson?"

The larger, dark-skinned man with the unusual gold emblem tattooed on his forehead gazed calmly at the younger man whereas Daniel's concerned blue eyes grew wider still.

"What, and ruin a beautiful friendship? … You?"

The warrior did not blink.

"Indeed I do not."

Daniel could sense the hint of censure and raised troubled eyes to the unwavering black gaze.

"Aw, c'mon Teal'c. It was that or Janet wasn't going to let him out of her clutches. You know how much Jack has been looking forward to this break? If he thought he'd have to stay another ten days in this place I think he'd go crazy."

Teal'c was not, however, about to let him off the hook just yet.

"Perhaps you should have put forward the two options to O'Neill and let him decide."

"Let me decide what?"

Daniel jumped out of his chair as if propelled by an external force, opening the door wider to allow the new arrival easier access on his crutches.

"Jack! We didn't see you."

He studied the tall man before him, the gaunt boyish features at odds with his grey hair, his left leg encased in a removable splint. Cool brown eyes, hiding a lot of pain, stared down at him.

"Let me decide what, Daniel?" he repeated sharply.

"Er, Teal'c was wondering whether you'd prefer sitting in the front next to him or being in the back where you could…"

"Front's fine," he interrupted tersely. Already a fine film of perspiration was visible on his pale forehead and he was frowning as if the mere effort to think was causing him discomfort.

"That's a negative, Colonel." A slim, tiny brunette in white coat and navy-court shoes had followed the grey-haired man into the office.

Jack's eyes flashed his annoyance but the diminutive figure ignored the look turning instead to the other two men in the room.

"He needs to be in the back with his leg raised, is that understood Teal'c?"

The large man nodded agreement and the doctor turned to face the colonel. For a moment she saw the pain and despair buried deep within those dark brown depths, but the shutters dropped the instant he felt her studying him.

"Is that understood, Colonel?" she repeated, her tone hardening.

"Loud and clear, Major," he growled.

Choosing to ignore his tone, Dr. Frasier continued, "Teal'c, you have a list of his medication and when he has to take it?" She waited until he nodded. "It's all in the car? Good. Now gentlemen, if you'd allow me a few moments with Colonel O'Neill – perhaps you'd make sure the wheelchair is ready."

The injured man's head shot up in protest. "Aw, c'mon Doc, not the ……." His irritated voice died away as the doctor turned to him.

Janet fixed Jack with a glacial glare as Daniel scrambled for the door, eager to escape Jack being read the riot act prior to his release. Teal'c's exit was more dignified and he gave the doctor a gentle nod of acknowledgement as he left.

Knowing how desperate her patient was to escape the medical confines and aware that he couldn't do a thing until she gave him his release papers, she intended to make the most of this moment of supreme power, not out of a sense of being dictatorially power hungry, but out of deep concern for this man who stood stiffly before her, refusing to show any sign of the pain she knew he must be feeling as if it was some sign of weakness which would make her think less of him.

Dark brown eyes scowled down at her, enough to make many a grown man twice her size back down and run in the opposite direction. But Janet Frasier had the measure of this man before her and was not in the least intimidated.

"Okay Colonel, time for our pep talk, I'll cut to the quick. I know you're eager to be away," and now her voice grew distinctly harder, her brown eyes burning into his. "If I learn you've not been following my orders to the letter – if I get just a hint of a deviation from what I've prescribed, you'll find your butt back in this infirmary so fast you'll not know what's hit you …… other than half a dozen very large and very painful injections! Do I make myself clear, Colonel?"

Jack rolled his eyes in annoyance but knew he had no choice.

"Colonel?"

'_Okay, okay_,' he thought grimly, '_your bedside manner stinks_.' He sighed loudly.

"Okay Doc, you win."

She threw him an affectionate grin before saying, "I always do, Colonel."

------------------------------

It had been a long drive, just made bearable by the fact that Jack had slept a large part of the way, but the pain had steadily worsened for the last half hour of the journey and yet the stubborn O'Neill streak insisted that he could make it without having to take any meds.

As he shifted in a futile attempt to ease the stabbing thrusts in his knee, Teal'c's calm voice broke through his pain-filled haze.

"We are almost there, O'Neill. I should warn you that…."

"Save it, Teal'c," Jack mumbled whilst attempting to sit up, the movement in his knee shooting bolts of agony up into his hip.

Damn and bloody damn! He gritted his teeth forcing himself to take note of his surroundings and blinked in surprise, the pain receding for a moment, as he realized they were mere minutes from their destination. His own jeep had nowhere near as good an interior suspension, but in this rental SUV he hadn't even realized when they'd moved off road onto the dirt track. Straining his neck he could just make out the roof through the trees – there was smoke coming from the chimney.

He smiled for the first time since the journey began, thinking Daniel must have already got there and made the place welcoming.

"Nice driving, Teal'c."

The Jaffa warrior inclined his head as he regarded his passenger for a moment in the rear view mirror, a shadow of concern touching his black eyes.

"You are in pain." It wasn't a question.

"Nothing that a visit to the cabin can't fix … and maybe a bottle of beer or ten or twenty."

Jack grimaced as he tried shifting his weight on the seat and paled significantly as the nagging, poker-hot thrusts increased substantially.

"Looks like Daniel beat us to it."

He forced himself not to think of his injury especially as the vehicle was just pulling into the open grassed area in front of the large deck which encircled the cabin. For a brief moment he worried about the four steps up to it, but as his eyes rested on the lake with the sun just beginning to set, he gave himself up to the joy of being back in the place he loved the best.

Grimacing at his clumsiness, he struggled to alight from the car without looking a total ass. He had waved Teal'c's helping hand away, determined to regain a semblance of lost independence and he intended to start as he continued. No more Doc Frasier stopping him at every turn, no more nurses who would go running at the drop of a hat to inform on him, no more catheters and no more needles. He sighed happily and straightening up he turned to face the cabin.

He frowned as he spotted the figure at the top of the steps, blinking with the last rays of the setting sun shining blindingly into his eyes. He cursed for not having his sunglasses to hand and had to reach for the security of the vehicle's door as he felt his knee begin to complain. He put his free hand up to his questioning eyes, still wondering who on earth it could be, a tentative smile touching his lips.

"Hello, sir."

He froze as time stood still and a look of blank incomprehension closed down all other features as his mind raced in turmoil to make sense of the hallucination before him. As suddenly as the blood rushed to his head it drained away immediately and he felt Teal'c's presence beside him silently offering his support.

Jack refused it. He wasn't about to show any weakness now, especially not now. Bitterness gave him added strength as he drew himself up and offered a frozen, tight- lipped smile.

"Carter," he acknowledged, forcing himself not to remember all those times he'd called out her name in the dark, all those times when she hadn't been there, all those times he had pictured the sweetness of her smile, longing to be confronted with flesh and blood. And now, what he had longed for confronted him in full colour and life. He gave a short, dry laugh but there was no humour in it.

"Must be getting old….I don't seem to recall inviting you here." He was watching her face intently and felt a surge of what? – pleasure, deep, gut-warming euphoria at the pain he saw cross her face.

He could have stayed like that till hell froze over; revelling in the pure gratification of watching her discomfort, but his moment of triumph was to be short lived as his leg began to protest excruciatingly. He knew it was a matter of seconds before he was lying face down in the grass.

"Hold on to me, O'Neill."

Teal'c's welcoming arm was proffered and, gratefully Jack leaned his weight into it. Limping to the foot of the steps, concentrating on not making a fool of himself, he felt her eyes on him and felt the frustration rage inside him as he felt her pity burning into him.

'_Keep your goddamn pity_!' His jaw locked in grim determination as slowly, carefully he climbed each step, welcoming the throbbing ache for anything was better than the pain stabbing at his heart, wrenching his very insides apart so that for one horrendous moment he was afraid he would throw up the little lunch Teal'c had insisted he have.

'_Get a grip, O'Neill – you can fake this_.' With painstaking care he approached, watching her with an expression she could not interpret. Her blue eyes, framed by slightly longer blonde hair, scrutinized him carefully, warily.

'_Rightly so_,' he thought grimly, recognizing her mood, '_you should bloody well be worried.'_

"So?"

The usual echo from his retired 2IC was not there, nor did he expect it to be.

"How are you doing, Sir?" He'd forgotten how soft her voice was, how it made anyone she was addressing think they were the only person in the whole world she cared to be talking to.

"Drop the 'sir,'Carter; you're not in the Air Force now."

He meant it as a criticism and was pleased to see the flash of pain cross her features before being quickly concealed.

'_Yes! O'Neill: 2Carter: 0'_

"I'm fine," he continued, his voice as neutral as his expression.

Settling himself on one of the enormous cord sofas, he was slightly irritated when Teal'c began to fuss over him, putting his legs up and placing a cushion behind his back.

"Cut it out, I'm fine, as I've just told Carter," he snapped peevishly.

He knew he sounded grizzly, but at this moment didn't give a damn.

"I will bring in the luggage, O'Neill, and leave you and Dr. Carter to talk.'' And turning to Sam, Teal'c bestowed on her one of his rare smiles.

"It is indeed a pleasure to see you again, Dr. Carter." And with a slight bow of his head he went outside.

'_Traitor, traitor_!' Jack's mind screamed silently. Teal'c belonged to his camp and he allowed no shift in allegiance.

He permitted himself another furtive glance at his former second-in-command, frowning to see her busy in the kitchen. His kitchen.

"What are you doing, Carter?"

"Making you some green tea, si--, Colonel."

'_What the hell_.' He didn't want any tea and he damn well didn't want green tea and he certainly didn't want Carter in his kitchen making herself at home – making like they were still a team. He grimaced as if in pain and was annoyed to see she'd observed it.

"If you tell me where your painkillers are, I'll get them for you."

Ignoring her, Jack growled, "Where's Daniel?"

Her blue eyes widened considerably – now she was looking distinctly uncomfortable but this time Jack wasn't taking any pleasure in it. He tried standing up but was furious when his knee refused to co-operate. Seeing his struggles Sam came to offer her assistance and he glared up at her ferociously, stopping her in her tracks.

"Teal'c, Teal'c, where the --"

"I am here, O'Neill." The Jaffa's calming voice was in stark contrast to Jack's own.

"Where's Daniel?" he snapped, brown eyes flashing.

"Daniel Jackson is unavailable." He didn't even blink an eyelid as he said it and Jack found his patience, what little there was, disintegrate. He snorted in exasperation, one hand raking through his short, grey hair. "Remain calm, O'Neill. There is no need to distress yourself. Dr. Fraiser expressly forbade you to over excite yourself – it is not conducive to your recovery."

"Maybe if I could get an answer to a simple question, my blood pressure wouldn't be taking a fast ride to the stratosphere!" And suddenly, as his eyes burned scorching into both Teal'c and Sam, ice cold comprehension brought a flicker of dread and, trembling with the force of unspent emotion, he managed to push himself up so that he no longer felt at such a distinct disadvantage.

He turned the full force of his glare on Sam and it did not pass his notice that the knuckles of her hands showed white as she gripped a mug, hesitating to approach any nearer.

"You never showed any interest in coming to the cabin before, so………why now?"

"O'Neill, if you would --."

Jack's eyes never veered from Sam's as he snapped, "I'm talking to Carter, Teal'c, stay out of this!"

She swallowed, heat rising to her once pale cheeks. She could see clearly the pulse in Jack's right temple throbbing – a sure sign of his barely controlled rage, a rage that on a few occasions she'd seen vented, as when he'd smashed General Hammond's car window when they'd thought they had lost Daniel forever, but it had never, ever before been directed at her.

Resisting the compelling urge to turn and run, she faced him, biting at her lower lip.

"I……I hadn't realized you hadn't been put in the picture, Colonel." Damn Daniel. She was definitely going to make him pay for this. 'But you see, sir," and here she paused, realizing her mistake in addressing him this way. She shrugged apologetically. "Old habits die hard," she explained softly.

"Get on with it," he growled.

"SG-3 lost their archaeologist and linguist to mumps and it was imperative they had someone of Daniel's experience to co-ordinate an off-world treaty."

She watched as Jack's shoulders sagged and lowered her eyes, not wishing to witness his keenly felt disappointment.

"That doesn't answer why you are here," he spat.

She winced at the contempt in his voice but raised her eyes in mute appeal to Teal'c who, she realized, was ready to step in to her defence.

"Janet made it clear that she'd only release you from the infirmary into the care of two responsible carers," Sam explained calmly, willing her racing heart to slow down.

'_Carter assigned to be my babysitter – no way_!'

Seeing the light of battle flare hot in Jack's dark eyes, Teal'c could hold himself back no more.

"That is correct, O'Neill," and, wishing to divert some of the flak his way, continued, "Dr. Fraiser felt one person alone would be at a distinct disadvantage in the face of your wiles to evade carrying out her precise orders."

Sam's eyes widened further than ever and she coughed to smother the nervous laughter that jumped to her throat.

Teal'c's features were impassive as he faced Jack, seemingly oblivious to the fact that this information would further incense the colonel. His dark head tilted to one side as he surveyed Jack, still holding the bags.

"Are you not pleased, O'Neill, that Dr. Carter was able to take the place of Daniel Jackson at this last minute, thereby allowing you to leave the hospital as has been your fervent desire this past seven days?"

Jack closed his eyes, not wishing to listen to the logic. His dismay at being confronted so unexpectedly by the one person he'd forced himself to accept he'd never see again was, in his overly weakened state, simply too much.

He turned towards the stairs, wanting only to escape to the privacy of his own bedroom.

"Er….. Colonel, I was asked to prepare a room for you on this level." Sam indicated the door on his left. Her voice sounded apologetic, as if she was afraid to allude to anything pertaining to his injuries.

For a moment she thought he was going to speak, to argue, but after giving her a hard and threatening look, he moved stiffly to the room, shutting the door firmly against any intrusion.

Teal'c remained still, studying the young woman's sad features.

"It was a long and tiring journey, Dr. Carter and I believe O'Neill's injuries are causing him some discomfort."

Sam smiled tiredly for the first time. "You don't have to make excuses for him to me, Teal'c"

And suddenly, without realizing how, she was in his arms, the huge Jaffa comforting her as hot, stinging tears coursed down her pale cheeks and silent shudders wracked her body. He held her gently until she grew calmer.

"Do not distress yourself, Dr. Carter. Under our expert supervision, O'Neill cannot but make great strides in his return to good health."

"Oh, Teal'c, I hope you're right." But in her heart of hearts she understood that the person in question could barely stand being in the same room with her. How on earth was she going to achieve their objective?

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Go to Part 2


	2. Chapter 2

14

Starting Over Part 2

He lay on the bed, one arm across his eyes as if to block out any visions he might have of a blonde-haired, blue-eyed scientist, who for the past three years had managed, against his wishes, to inveigle herself, through no fault of her own, into his heart. That is, until she had come for him on Edora and found him with Laira. And even then things might still have worked out if it hadn't been for his undercover work following almost immediately after, in which he had been forced to assume the identity of a traitor.

Unable to prevent a soft groan escaping his lips, he remembered the look she had given him when he had told her that he hadn't been himself since he'd met her. The hurt and confusion so naked in her eyes had torn at his senses but he had been forced to steel himself and appear impervious to her anguish. That day he had seen something die inside her but he had promised himself that, once the real traitors had been revealed, he would make it up to her, even if it meant acknowledging feelings which weren't altogether allowed in this man's U.S.A.F. He would reach deep inside her and find that piece which had withered before his very eyes and he would coax and nourish it back to life until it flourished once more.

God, what a fool he'd been. Living in hope. Didn't he know by now, that the word didn't apply to the world of Jack O'Neill? He snorted in disgust at his past naiveté.

He had been so vulnerably eager when he'd sauntered back through the gate, handing over the traitors to waiting S.F.s, ready to make the few token apologies in the face of what must surely be open admiration at his brilliant success. Teal'c had accepted the subterfuge amicably, finding no fault in Jack's undercover exploits, and although Daniel had shown his ire, his relief at having Jack back in the fold overshadowed his annoyance.

Jack recalled looking round the gate room searching for a pair of mesmerizing blue eyes and short blonde hair but he was to be disappointed.

"Where's Carter?" His question had been so open, so full of expectation and happiness, but Daniel's next words squeezed the energy from him, filling him with such menacing anger that it had taken both Teal'c and Daniel to physically hold him back, to prevent him going A.W.O.L. in his fervour to find Sam.

In the first days and weeks of his return to normal duty, he had spent every free moment of time attempting to trace her whereabouts, but as the weeks moved into months, he came to realize that her total withdrawal from him had been complete. She had chosen to cut him out of her life, just as it appeared he had her when he had requested that he was returning to Laira and his life on Edora.

Much later, he had heard she had taken up a lecturing post at one of the prestigious universities but by then the hurt, which had festered into anger, had turned again to an eradication of that which had originally caused him so much torment, and he was able to overhear the gossip of others in Cheyenne Mountain, when mention was made of Sam getting engaged, without having to rush to the bathroom to heave his very soul out. That he had got blindingly drunk that night had nothing to do with what he had overheard, he assured himself, though the look he caught Daniel throwing Teal'c as they had put him to bed made him cringe.

And now, NOW when he was impervious to her presence – or rather when he was able to ignore the fact that he could, if he so wished, actually go out and find her and chose not to do so – now she was here, here in his cabin – just a room away and, if he was correct, she was crying. Crying because of him.

Good – he rejoiced at her pain, gained strength from her tears, fed off her anguish.

Damn Daniel to hell, and Doc, too! What right had they to do this? Now? After all he had gone through to get her out of his system. And how dare she? She'd just walked out without a by your leave or a goodbye, Jack – no note, no telephone call – not that he could have got those, having been thought to be on Edora, but she could have left something. Didn't she know him well enough to know he'd be back? Apparently not.

A gentle tapping at his door brought him back to the present.

"O'Neill, there is a light meal prepared by Dr. Carter – it will be on the table in five minutes."

A childish need to hit out had him replying instantly, "Tell her I'm not ---."

"Dr. Carter requested your presence, otherwise she informed me she would spoon feed you herself."

Jack blinked in surprise, taken aback.

"Tell her I'll ----."

"I suggest you tell Dr. Carter yourself."

---------------------

The meal was actually very good though Jack wasn't prepared to admit the fact – lasagne and a fresh salad – much better than what would have been on offer in the infirmary. He chose not to enter into the conversation; however, Teal'c seemed oblivious to his silence or simply chose to ignore it, addressing all his comments and questions to Sam.

"And how does your new profession suit you, Dr. Carter?"

Sam paused for a moment, giving careful consideration to the question, a small frown marring her features.

"It's challenging, Teal'c, but in a different way to what I did with you guys."

Jack, she couldn't fail to notice, kept his head down as if totally engrossed in the food he was poking around his plate.

"In what way, Dr. Carter?"

"The students are, from one point of view, incredibly naïve and yet so refreshing. They constantly come up with challenging ideas which make me stop and reassess my way of reasoning." Sam suddenly smiled apologetically, a little embarrassed that she had been carried away by the topic, ready to enter full flow into it.

Jack frowned, his thoughts much darker. 'Bullsh---! You can't compare getting to study off-world gizmos with teaching geeks. No way. You're lying through your teeth!'

He looked up at that moment, giving her a full blown glare, hoping she could read his thoughts and the cynicism burning in the depths of his eyes. It was the first real eye contact she had had with him and she read him loud and clear. Her own eyes narrowed at this silent attack.

"Nothing was real for me anymore, Teal'c." she continued, her voice hardening as she returned Jack's glare. "I needed to return to solid foundations and seek out what was important."

"And leave us to fight your battles," mumbled Jack under his breath, returning to scrutinize his food.

"What was that?" she snapped hotly.

Jack could feel Teal'c's disapproving stare and coloured slightly but he had nothing to hide, nothing to be ashamed of.

Looking up, he faced Sam's dark look.

"I said I---------"

"I think, O'Neill, you are tired," interrupted Teal'c fortuitously, eager to avert a conflict which he knew would only end in distress for both of his friends. He stood, blocking their views of each other at the table. Teal'c faced Jack, aware of the anger simmering, all too ready to erupt.

"O'Neill," his voice was a little sharp as he sought to break through the red film of Jack's anger. "The journey has sapped your strength. Dr. Fraiser insisted that you retire early. That time has now come."

Jack's eyes flared up to Teal'c's calm ones.

"If I'd wanted a nursemaid, I'd have asked for one!" His voice was so roughened it was more a growl than words, but for a second time Teal'c ignored him, placing a firm yet gentle hand on Jack's arm.

Teal'c felt muscles stiffen beneath his fingers for an instant but his face remained impassive and suddenly he felt Jack relax, the tension evaporating as quickly as it had come. He watched as the younger man rose carefully from his chair.

"It was a most delicious meal Dr. Carter. Is that not so, O'Neill?"

"Yeah, peachy." Jack's tone contradicted his words and Teal'c frowned at this display of ill manners.

'If you're going to play Carter's knight in shining armour, you'd better learn to get used to it,' Jack thought grimly as he limped away, only remembering at the last minute to turn to the door of his newly allocated room.

"Teal'c?" Jack could not hide his surprise when the Jaffa warrior followed him in to his room.

"Your medication, O'Neill. Dr. Fraiser insisted I observe you take it."

"Oh, for crying out loud!" The silver-haired man ran an irritated hand though his dishevelled hair, clearly perturbed.

"Do not distress yourself, O'Neill," Teal'c calmly admonished.

"I'm not distressed," he snapped in reply.

Teal'c raised one eyebrow, clearly aware of just what this Tauri was experiencing.

"I'm surprised she didn't ask you to check my mouth afterwards," he complained peevishly just before swallowing three different lots of tablets, and seeing Teal'c's expression, "Aw no, c'mon, you've got to be kidding?"

Teal'c's features were inscrutable but he made no move to leave the injured man's side until Jack snorted in disgust and opened wide his mouth, sticking out his tongue to show he wasn't hiding any pills which would later be spat out.

Satisfied now, Teal'c nodded and moved to the door.

"It is indeed a pleasing sight to have Dr. Carter in our midst, O'Neill."

Jack remained silent, finding the toe of his shoes of vital interest. Teal'c paused, his hand on the door handle.

"Do you not agree, O'Neill?"

Jack looked up, a slight frown playing on his brow. "Whatever you say, Teal'c," he muttered sulkily.

"It is not what I say that concerns me."

Again Jack's eyes shot up to try and read what was in his colleague's depths but Teal'c, like his CO, was a master at concealing any emotions he may have.

"Well that's too cryptic for me, T. Let's just say that you and I don't quite agree on this one." Then looking up he continued dryly, "I tell you what – if you're so happy to have her around, do me a favour and keep her off my back!"

Teal'c continued to stare at Jack, his black eyes unfathomable.

"I seem to recall a time when --."

"Don't go there, Teal'c!" Jack's face had darkened ominously, a myriad of emotions racing across his face.

Teal'c stood a moment longer, watching but saying nothing until, with a gentle incline of his head, he departed.

-------------------------

"Carter!" Heart racing frantically, Jack reared up out of the throes of a nightmare so real he had, for a moment, fought back demons with his bare hands, thrashing among the twisted bed covers as if his very life and that of his team depended on it. His own cries awoke him and he lay back gasping for air, exhausted by his black dreams, rubbing a hand over his eyes as if to block out the descending knife which was aimed at his 2IC's heart.

His eyes shot open and he pushed himself up, suddenly desperate for a drink. He ignored the glass of water at his bedside, knowing exactly what sort of drink his body craved.

He lay now on a sofa, cradling a good measure of Glendfiddich's finest Scotch, hoping this form of panacea would do the trick and ease the aching discomfort in his leg. It was beginning to go into spasm and he used his right hand to knead his thigh muscles in an attempt to ward off the increasing pain.

A thin coat of sweat covered his forehead and he ran the glass across his brow seeking comfort from the coolness before swallowing another mouthful, savouring the burning heat which travelled down to his vitals.

The spasms, however, began to grow more intense and he lay the glass down on the table using both hands to knead his injured leg.

He cursed himself for failing to return to his bedroom where painkillers were in a bedside drawer – now he couldn't; his leg was incapable of supporting him. He drew in sharp gasps of air through gritted teeth, a low moan escaping him as he began to rock backwards and forwards.

He considered calling out for Teal'c but stubborn pride and the possibility of Carter appearing compelled him to bite his lip and remain silent.

With trembling hand he reached for the glass, swigging back a great mouthful, wondering if he'd be able to crawl across the wooden floor.

God, the pain! It was almost unbearable as red hot pokers stabbed into his muscles. He tried putting the glass back on the table and cringed as he felt it slip from his fingers, the noise of shattering glass breaking the stillness of the night.

This time he groaned aloud. Shit! Shit! Shit!

Lights switched on and then came the sound of hurrying footsteps. He would have liked to have told them to go away and leave him in peace, but he was using every ounce of his willpower not to cry out.

He'd expected Teal'c to reach him first so was unprepared for Sam to be bending over him, trying to ascertain what was happening. She tried prising his hands away from his leg but Jack was unable to relax enough to allow it. In the back of his mind he was vaguely aware of her talking to him soothingly, explaining something he was incapable of taking in. She disappeared.

'Where the hell was Teal'c?' He was writhing in agony, his leg a throbbing mass of torment.

He felt an iron grip on his wrists and looked up with tormented anguish to see Teal'c's calm gaze on him as he pulled Jack's hands away from his leg whilst another hand came down pushing a syringe into his thigh. He stiffened and then almost immediately felt the relief of the medication as it worked directly on his contracting muscles to make them relax.

He let out a sob of relief and felt Teal'c's grip on him loosen.

Covering his face with his hands, he willed himself to some semblance of control whilst blocking out the concerned faces of the large Jaffa and the pyjama clad woman.

"'m okay," he whispered breathlessly. "Go back to your beds, I'll be fine now."

From the corner of his eye he could see Sam reaching down to the shattered pieces of glass, her nose wrinkling as the liquid's fumes reached her nostrils.

"I don't think alcohol and your meds make good companions, Colonel," she admonished softly.

"I don't think you and I make good companions either, Carter," he snapped back, his face appearing to be carved from stone. "So what are you going to do about it?"

Her pale face tightened as she snapped back, "I'm sorry, Colonel, but I made Janet and Daniel a promise that I'd see the next ten days through, no matter what. But let me tell you one thing – I'd like nothing better than to walk out of this cabin and never set eyes on you again. But I can wait – it's that thought, and that thought alone that's going to see me through all this. So, if you've finished, I'll return to my bed. I just hope you're ready for the morning's physio – late nights and heavy drinking won't get you a reprieve!"

And on that stern note she finished picking up the shards of glass and left him and Teal'c, nodding to the Jaffa as she retired once more.

Taking more effort than he'd expected, Jack finally got to his feet, testing to see if his injured leg would hold him. Teal'c made no move to assist, a fact which did not go unnoticed.

"You got a problem here, Teal'c?" he demanded roughly.

"I do not, O'Neill, but it appears you do." And without further ado, Teal'c left Jack standing, his words conveying his deep disapproval.

----------------------

One of the stipulations Janet had made for agreeing to Jack's sojourn in the countryside was that he had to commence physiotherapy – nothing drastic, just some very gentle workouts, to get his muscles ready for the real thing which would start later, when his strength had improved. She had given Teal'c a few lessons on how to begin the regime and knowing exactly how much he was loath to undergo such exertions, she had insisted that Sam be present to ensure Teal'c did not allow Jack too much leeway in the face of whatever Jack would throw at him.

As it was, Jack presented himself on the lawn in front of the cabin at ten a.m. dressed in t-shirt and sweat pants, his expression conveying a clear message as to what he thought of the proceedings.

For the next half hour the stoic Jaffa coaxed, encouraged, ordered and gently bullied his charge, testing the muscles in O'Neill's leg and then working on the injured knee. At the end of the ordeal Jack was grey with exhaustion, covered in a thin film of sweat as if he had been for a swim. His injured leg trembled from the exertions it had been put through and he lay back on the grass waiting for the searing pain to ease and the mad racing of his heart to slow. And at last, his mind had also been allowed some respite, for when Teal'c had made more extreme demands on his weak body Jack's only release from the torture had been to curse the large man verbally. Unfortunately, Teal'c's sense of morals, whilst not in the least offended on his own behalf, found Jack's choice of colourful language unacceptable whilst Sam was in their midst. And bending low over the reclining patient, he had whispered a few choice words in Jack's ear.

"You will desist in this use of obscenities, O'Neill." His head turning to Sam who was observing them closely, and noting how well this advice had not been received, he continued. "Otherwise you will be required to take an immersion in your lake where I will proceed to cleanse your mouth with soap. I have read on good authority that this practice is uncommonly effective with young children and ill-tempered colonels."

Jack's startled gaze met the Jaffa's clear eyes and with a sinking heart the invalid knew all too well the dark-skinned warrior was not exaggerating the case.

With aggrieved eyes, Jack barely managed a curt nod, tight-lipped as he resumed following the softly spoken commands of the warrior who was taking his job of temporary physio very seriously. Groaning inwardly at the thought of the coming round of morning sessions, Jack's already dismal outlook grew bleaker still and he allowed his mind to curse with venom and fury.

The fact that he felt like death warmed up at the conclusion of the session merely served to raise his irritation level to new heights as he noticed Sam still watching him from a safe distance.

"This how you get your kicks now, Carter?" he demanded, his tone dripping with acid.

"Just obeying orders," she replied in a neutral voice. Dressed in blue jeans and grey t-shirt she looked fresh and … Jack refused to put words to what she looked like, it only served to make his mind go in a direction he had no intention of allowing it to go.

Feeling her eyes on him he glared up at her, but by the time he tried to catch her she had looked away.

"So how come your fiancé is letting you out of his sight for all this time, Carter?"

He laid still, his arm now covering his eyes, shielding them from the sun and from her looks. He waited. She didn't respond though she watched him carefully. He lowered his arm to check if she was still there.

"Cat got your tongue?"

She stared down into his brown eyes.

"Have I ever asked you about your relationships?"

"Nope."

Approaching and bending low, so her face was only inches from his, she ground out, "Then I suggest you offer me the same courtesy!"

He could smell the soap on her skin and felt his senses begin to rise. Hell, he'd be able to guess her brand of toothpaste if she came any closer.

She skewered him with an icy glare then retreated just as Teal'c reappeared to tell Jack that his bath was ready.

"Will you quit mothering me," he griped, "I know when to bathe and I was going to take a shower."

"The hot water and salts in the bath will help relax your aching muscles, O'Neill, and you are still not steady enough for the shower."

"Oh, for crying out loud!"

He pushed himself up, limping away, aware of Carter, with her rigid back to him, looking out over the lake.

------------------

In the late afternoon he had sat himself in the rocking chair that his grandmother had loved so much and which Charlie had spent hours playing on, lowering himself carefully as his knee protested the movement, and stared out over the lake, watching some geese coming in to land, their loud honking causing him no disturbance to the enveloping peace he felt surround him.

He watched the lights change and the sky's colour turn from a pale blue to one tinged with reds before the darker hues of blue encroached on the fading light.

By now only the outline of the trees was visible. He smiled to himself. Yes, trees – his cherished trees. Daniel would never believe he was fond of them. He grinned. But maybe that was the problem. These were his trees, any others reminded him of these, and this place. And all those other trees and other places weren't the same, no way were they the same. God, he was glad he'd persuaded Janet to let him come here. If it wasn't for… His mind veered off refusing to even put into silent words what needed to be said. And maybe that was the problem with her being here too, he realized. Her presence now just reminded him of what the last six months had been and what the coming months and years would be without her – HELL!

His eyes closed as he allowed his memory to relive past events when they had been a team, when each had counted on the other, relied on the other, believed in the other to see them through. Antarctica – the two of them together had survived an impossible situation – he felt himself shiver as memories of that frozen cavern raced back to him. Yet even with all the pain and misery, a touch of a smile passed over his features.

Feeling a blanket gently placed over him he frowned. Teal'c doing his mother hen routine.

"When are you gonna stop -----." His eyes looked up into startled blue ones.

"I……I thought you were asleep."

"You thought wrong." But he didn't push the cover away.

"It's beautiful."

Jack didn't follow her gaze over the lake and trees, but kept his eyes on her until she turned back to him at which point he ducked his head to hide his expression.

"So, Carter……."

She suddenly had that wary look in her eyes.

'Am I that bad?' He gave an imperceptible shrug. 'Yep, guess so. Maybe I should lighten up on her. Or not!'

"Colonel?"

She was waiting. 'Guess she must have got over being pissed with me.'

"I was wondering ------."

Her cell phone rang and with an apologetic look for the interruption she turned away to take the call.

There wasn't much to the conversation from Sam's side, just a lot of affirmatives but it was the tone that caught Jack's attention. It was full of excitement just as he remembered when she got to describing one of her experiments. She had a love of life he rarely saw in anybody else, or maybe he just wasn't interested in anybody else.

He frowned, annoyed with the route his mind was taking.

She terminated the call and, if Jack wasn't mistaken, she actually appeared breathless!

'What the hell was going on here?'

Her eyes radiated joy, the intensity so startling he was taken aback by its force.

'What, or rather who,' he thought grimly, 'could produce that reaction?'

"It looks like it's going to be just you and Teal'c for supper, Colonel."

"Oh?" he sounded abrupt.

"I've got to meet up with someone."

"Someone?" He couldn't help it. He knew he was sounding like a father vetting his daughter's options for going out on a date. 'Date? Why had that word come up?'

"Er, it's just that, well ..."

'Was she sounding evasive? Damn!'

Jack pushed himself out of the rocker with such force Sam had to jump back. His face had closed down on all emotion.

"What you do with your time's got nothing to do with me, Carter," he growled and limped past her. "At least it keeps you outta my hair!"

She watched as he entered the cabin, his back stiff, and his jaw tight.

'Uh oh – he's not a happy camper. Well, he's just going to have to put up without me.' And she grinned widely; rather pleased with the way she imagined Jack's thoughts were going. Let him think she was meeting someone for fun and enjoyment – it served him right!

And going to her room she made sure she dressed a little more carefully than she'd originally planned.

They were eating when she descended the stairs and though she noticed Jack kept his head down, his eyes fixed on his plate, she was certain he knew exactly what she was wearing down to her gold earrings and the colour of her lipstick.

Teal'c was as charming as Jack wasn't. "You are looking exceedingly elegant, Dr. Carter."

"Thank you, Teal'c."

Still no reaction from Jack.

"I presume we should not wait up for you?"

Sam beamed at the warrior. She couldn't have primed him to ask a better question.

"That's right Teal'c – I don't know what time or even if I'll be back tonight."

She enjoyed seeing the tightening of Jack's mouth as if he'd found something particularly unpleasant on his plate.

She knew full well she should be back well before midnight, but the medication Jack was required to take would have him in the world of the sandman long before that, so she could act out to her heart's content and have to suffer no recriminations.

'Let him stew in his own juices,' she thought none too kindly. 'Pay back's a bitch!'

"Bye guys."

She just hoped her expensive perfume lingered long enough to raise the torment level a factor or two.

----------------------

He pushed his plate away the moment he heard her car draw away.

Teal'c looked at him without making any comment.

"Not hungry."

The Jaffa had been witness to enough of Jack's moods to understand he was now into a full blown tantrum and from experience he knew when to stay silent. This time, however, he chose not to.

"Your spirit is not at rest, O'Neill."

'Oh, great. Now Teal'c is taking on Daniel's role of spiritual inquisitor.' "I'm fine, Teal'c."

"Does this have any bearing on Dr. Carter going out?"

"No! I'm fine, I tell you," he snapped sharply.

"I think not. You are what they say 'a feline on a boiling metal top.'"

Jack frowned for a moment until it clicked.

"You mean 'cat on a hot tin roof'!"

Teal'c's expression remained neutral.

"That is what I said, O'Neill."

Jack shrugged – he wasn't in the mood for word games or the Jaffa's unusual sense of humour.

"I'm going for a walk."

"Is that wise?"

"Yes."

"Your knee --."

"I'll only go a short distance."

"I will accompany you."

"No offence, Teal'c but I'd prefer to be on my own."

Jack felt Teal'c's eyes assessing him as if considering whether it was wise to allow him to go and Jack could feel his blood begin to rise.

Pushing himself out of the chair, he strode purposely for the door, trying his hardest to eliminate his limp.

Ignoring the painful twinges in his leg, Jack walked towards the lake, shivering a little in the cool evening breeze. There was almost a hint of autumn in the air and as he walked towards the lake, following the water's edge, he peered at the trees to see if they could provide any clues as to the shift in season. He bent cautiously and then began skimming stones – an excellent excuse for stopping to rest.

He'd needed to get away from the cabin if only to escape the scent of her perfume. It did nothing but conjure up images which Jack was desperately trying to suppress.

He slashed violently at some reeds with a stick he had found earlier and which he'd been using to assist his walking. He wasn't one for introspection – action was his style and hobbling around with a stick, dependent on others, one to whom he most certainly didn't want to appear weak and incapable, grated on his sensibilities. He slashed again at the reeds and instantly froze when he heard what sounded like a faint whimpering. He listened intently, peering hard into the thick reeds which lay around this part of the lake, edging as close as he dared to the water's edge. The reeds extended far out in this area and rose taller than Jack's six feet two inch height in places.

No further sound. Just as he began to think he'd imagined it, the sound came again. It was something Jack, in his childhood, had become so familiar with – a beast in distress. As a boy he had rescued a cornucopia of animals and now he ran his hand through his short hair wondering just how he was going to solve this problem before him.

----------------------------

Go to Part 3


	3. Chapter 3

20

Starting Over Part 3

The car's wheels screeched as she slammed on the brakes, jumped from the vehicle, not bothering to press the car's locking mechanism, and she raced up the wooden veranda steps into the cabin.

"Teal'c!" She ran into Jack's room and finding it empty dashed back out, just in time to see the silhouette of the large Jaffa appearing from the lake's side supporting a limping Colonel O'Neill.

Without realizing it she let out a strained breath, allowing her heart to return to some semblance of order before they reached her.

In the cover of darkness she felt able to scrutinize him as he approached her, and even though the lack of light hid much, she was quick to see his pain and the weariness which seemed to reach his inner core. He made no effort to relieve Teal'c of his weight until, at the last moment he looked up, possibly sensing another's presence, and saw her. Only then did he straighten himself, she noticed, attempting to regain that lost independence, tight lines appearing at his mouth and on his forehead as he fought to gain control over his pain and weakness.

Feeling him stiffen, Teal'c looked up and inclined his head in gentle greeting.

"I regret I had to disturb you, Dr. Carter," and hearing Jack snort the Jaffa continued, "As you can see, I was eventually able to locate O'Neill."

Sam felt Jack's eyes burning into her, his cold cynical glare cutting into her very soul.

"I hope you didn't interrupt Carter doing something vitally important, Teal'c." His sarcasm was bitingly heavy as he stared into Sam's guarded eyes.

"I am unaware of what Dr. Carter was doing."

"That's okay, Teal'c," Sam explained gently and then turning to Jack, "Nothing I can't continue at a later date."

She saw the pulse at his temple begin to throb and knew her barb had struck home and at that same moment she heard the mewling and realized Jack was cradling something against his chest.

"What on earth?"

For a second she saw Jack's features soften as his eyes dropped to what he held.

"Easy little fella, I've got you safe."

No longer fearing his acidic tone, Sam stepped forward, reaching out for what he held.

"Let me see….." and her eyes widened in disbelief. "A kitten!"

"Nice to know your powers of observation are still as sharp as ever, Carter."

"And you're soaking!"

"Sharper than sharp."

"I regret that O'Neill saw fit to jump in the lake to rescue this feline." Stated Teal'c critically. "He is suffering from the cold and has put some undue strain on his injury."

"Oh, for crying out loud, stop going into mother hen overdrive," he grumbled irritably. "Hey!" He jerked back as Sam's hand reached out to touch his forehead. Her eye's narrowed menacingly and before he could protest further she quickly relieved him of the mewling kitten, putting it against her own warm breast. Instantly the dry warmth elicited a weak cry and then a soft purring began to emanate from the tiny wet ball of fur. Ignoring Jack's dissent she turned to Teal'c.

"Get him out of those clothes and into a hot bath, Teal'c."

Attempting to remove himself from the larger man's grasp, Jack spluttered, "I think I know what's best for me and -----."

"And if you need any help," she continued as if Jack hadn't spoken, "just call and I'll give you a hand."

She was pleased to register the look of outrage on her former CO's handsome face then spun on her heels and preceded them both into the house.

She could hear Jack's complaints as she warmed up some milk and tempted the kitten, dipping her little finger in and then brushing its nose and tiny mouth, but nothing worked until she though to put a tiny amount of honey into the liquid. That certainly seemed to do the trick for in next to no time its little belly was full and it was lying contentedly on one of Sam's scarves, washing its tiny body from head to toe. Leaving it drowsing on the sofa, Sam entered Jack's bedroom.

She could hear the patient's muffled voice arguing from behind the closed bathroom door and Teal'c's deeper voice over that.

Shaking her head she rapped on the door. "Need any help in there, Teal'c?"

Instantly Jack's complaints were silenced. There was a pause and then slowly, confidently Teal'c spoke.

"That will not be necessary, Dr. Carter. Colonel O'Neill is acquiescent to your desires."

Sam heard a rather strong expletive and had to stifle her own laughter.

Returning to the kitchen she located a couple of ice packs and made a hot green tea, lacing it with honey.

"What's good for you kitty will do for the gander."

He was just exiting the bathroom, dressed in boxers and t-shirt when she returned to his bedroom and he looked as if he might be ready to vent his bad temper on her until his eyes alighted on the little ball of fur following at her heels. Sam enjoyed watching the transformation in his eyes from dark anger to a deep and warming chocolate brown.

"Hey little fella, whatcha doing?"

He bent low as if to scoop up his new friend, but found his balance going. In an instant Sam was at his side, lending her support even though it wasn't too well received. Once he'd regained his balance he shrugged out of her grip and watched the kitten scramble up the covers on his bed to gain the ultimate spot for comfort – his pillow. Immediate kneading with paws, accompanied by deep satisfying purring, attested to how the cat felt. Jack grinned openly.

"Well he sure knows what he wants."

"You're sure it's a male, Colonel?"

"Too young to tell just yet, but I'd bet on it."

"By the fact that he knows what he wants and goes and gets it?" Sam's tone was dry and slightly challenging.

Reading between the lines Jack's reply was instantaneous.

"Absolutely – nothing else to it."

Sam's eyes narrowed menacingly.

'Yes, you chose to go undercover letting me believe you'd turned traitor! And having gotten caught, retired to Edora and Laira. You did what you wanted and to hell with the rest of us.'

She could feel her cheeks flushing hot as these thoughts raced angrily round her brain. 'Egotistical bastard!' He deserved a good kick in the--.

Pulling herself up mentally Sam pointed to the mug on his bedside table.

"Hot tea."

"Tea?" He sounded aghast.

"Recommended for just such an occasion – it'll warm your insides."

He looked suitably unimpressed. "I'll pass."

"Do you ever choose to do anything that's good for you?" she demanded a little irritably.

He regarded her stonily for a moment and then chose to change the subject. 'So, did Teal'c interrupt anything important when he called?"

Sam smiled though it didn't reach her eyes.

"I got most of what I wanted done and took a rain check for the rest." 'Hah, let him think what he liked as to that,' she thought coldly.

By now Jack had lowered himself onto the bed and was kneading his thigh.

Reaching out with the ice packs, Sam advised, "You'll need these."

He ignored them. "I'll manage."

Snorting in exasperation, she grabbed one of his hands turning it palm upwards, slapping the packs into it.

"Stop being such a pain in the butt and apply these."

And before he could offer any retort she wheeled round and walked out of his room, just managing to resist the urge to slam the door as being too childish and much like something he would do.

She was back in an instant catching him tickling the kitten behind one of its ears, sending it into an ecstasy of purring.

Looking slightly ill at ease to be caught doing something so out of character he turned to applying the packs to his knee.

"How does it feel?"

"Fine."

"Liar."

She couldn't believe she'd said that aloud and by the look on Jack's face neither could he, she realized.

Teal'c fortuitously reappeared from the bathroom looking like he'd been under the shower himself.

"I will retire now and undertake my Kel no 'reem. If you would be so kind as to ensure O'Neill takes all his medication, Dr Carter, I would be most grateful."

Irritably, Jack glared at the Jaffa, "I know what I have to take, dammit. I don't need Carter to ----."

"And Dr. Fraiser advised doing a check to make sure it is actually consumed."

Sam grinned at the way Teal'c was observing Jack, oblivious to his indignant scowl.

"Don't worry Teal'c. You go and get out of your wet things; we don't want you catching a cold as well."

Jack's head shot up.

"I don't have a (he sneezed) cold!"

--------------------------

"Go 'way." Jack's voice, weak and irritable, was barely audible as he swatted feebly at the hand that held the cup to his lips.

"Just a little more," Sam coaxed, her voice persuasive and gentle as she cradled his head against her, holding him still as he tried to twist away from her restraining hold. She sighed softly, railing against fate. Couldn't he for once have escaped the consequences of his action? Didn't he deserve a break now and again? She shook her head, her eyes glued to the patient as she attempted to get him to drink. His persistence in being uncooperative over her attempts to help him was proving just as exasperating whether he was conscious or not!

Putting the cup of electrolytes down, Sam reached for the cloth in the bowl of water, wringing it out and wiping his face and neck. This time he leaned into the cooling comfort, mumbling something she couldn't quite catch. Allowing his head to settle back onto the pillow, she brought the cloth down to his chest feeling the heat from his dry skin radiating through the damp cotton.

Checking her watch, she nodded to herself, then reaching over took two tablets from one of the many bottles on the bedside cabinet, dropped them into the electrolyte mixture, swirled it around watching the tablets dissolve, then sniffed at the liquid. Her nose wrinkled in distaste.

Putting her left arm under Jack's naked shoulders she carefully raised him and settled herself on the bed, allowing him to settle back against her. Once more she brought the cup to his dry lips, prepared for his resistance.

"Help me out here, Jack; it's this that's going to break your fever."

But although his eyes opened unexpectedly, they were bright with delirium as he tried yet again to push Sam away. Her own persistence, however, induced him to take some of the bitter tasting medication until, finally, she settled him back, watching as he drifted in and out of an uneasy sleep, occasionally muttering and mumbling under his breath.

--------------------

"Daniel!" He roared the name shooting bolt upright, hard, dark eyes glazed and glaring into nothing. "Where is she, goddammit?"

Half asleep in the armchair she had pulled up to his bed, Sam jumped up grabbing Jack's shoulders, pushing him back against the pillows.

"Where the hell is she?" He was blind to her presence.

"Easy, Colonel, lie still. Everything's okay; just rest now. I'm here."

It took all of her strength simply to push him back and hold him down as he continued to relive past memories.

She watched in misery as his head thrashed from side to side, garbled words mixing with some she understood, and as she heard him speak her name she felt burning heat suffuse her own features. The longing in his voice brought unwelcome tears springing to her eyes to be instantly brushed away as if she were afraid that even in his fever he would see her weakness.

His anger, when it came, was swift and brutal and in his fevered ravings he cursed her with such vitriolic fury that she hung her head, covering her face with her hands, aghast at what he now so obviously felt for her. It was so much worse than she'd imagined and now, now when she had made an official request to...

-------------------------------

"Hot."

Her hands flew from her face, her eyes seeking his which were observing her wearily. She gave him one of those brilliantly special smiles that, at one time, he had thought had been just for him. Now he knew better.

He groaned and felt the cool cloth moving down his neck and across his chest.

"Your temperature decided to take an uphill hike."

"More like ballistic," he whispered weakly.

She grinned at his attempt at a joke, just like she used to.

"Water."

She proffered the cup but his senses must have reminded him of the vile taste because before it reached his lips he had turned away.

"Hey." She reached out a gentle hand, taking hold of his chin, turning his face back to her. "This is what is keeping me from phoning Janet."

Even exhausted, his eyes widened in unease.

"You've got it loud and clear, Colonel. It doesn't bear thinking about if she knew what had happened here."

Jack grimaced in obvious understanding and resigned himself to drinking some more of the ghastly concoction. When Sam eventually allowed him to lie back, he wiped a hand across his mouth.

"Crap."

Sam smiled in agreement. "I reckon that just about sums up our future if Janet finds out about this."

"Our secret?"

His eyes were already closing of their own accord.

Sam smiled. "Only if you promise to get better."

"Working on it," he mumbled, and his body's demands could be resisted no longer as he sank into a deep, healing sleep.

------------------

By the following afternoon, Jack's fever had passed though he was still weak and, because of it, irritable.

When Teal'c had taken over the watch Sam was able to catch up on lost sleep and it had done wonders to restore her to her usual bright and bubbly self – or so she thought.

She had been attempting to go over a number of dos and a lot of don'ts to the bedridden invalid to ensure there was no possibility of a repeat of the last few hours.

"Been taking lessons?"

"Excuse me?"

"You're beginning to sound a little too much like Janet."

Sam's eyes narrowed and she could feel the good humour within her start to diminish. "I'll take that as a compliment," she answered and before Jack could remonstrate she speared him with a piercing look whilst asking innocently, "So tell me, how's my successor getting on?"

"Fine." Jack knew as soon as he'd opened his mouth that he'd been too hasty, but it was too late to backtrack.

Sam smiled sweetly - she'd already been filled in by Janet and to a certain extent by Teal'c too.

"So, who's the lucky person, anyone I know?"

Jack had dropped his gaze and concentrated on stroking the kitten which was lying on his lap.

Yea---, I mean no, nobody you know." A guardedness appeared in his eyes and Sam was all attention.

"Really?"

His irritation growing by the second, still he tried to hide it for all his worth but his discomfort was so obvious that Sam had to smother her own smile with difficulty.

'So you had no trouble filling my position?"

He looked at her then, an inkling of suspicion tickling his senses.

"Why would you think that?" he demanded gruffly. "There are scores of people queuing up to get onto SG-1!"

Unable to contain her hilarity further, Sam's eyes widened incredulously as she gave an unladylike snort.

"It's odd you should say that, Colonel when Teal'c happened to mention - just in passing - the difficulties experienced in finding someone to take over from me." Her large, blue eyes sparkled in the afternoon light. "How many did he mention?" She tipped her head to the side pretending she was having difficulty recalling the number. "Six?...Eight?... Ah, now I remember – eleven. You've been through eleven scientists," she crowed jubilantly.

As Jack's hand banged down on the bed, his anger and frustration clear as the sunlight streaming into the room, the kitten jumped in the air yowling in fright, scrambling from the bed, its ears laid back flat in fear as it raced for the door and escape.

"What the hell is this? If you know so much, why the f--." He stopped, his face growing red with rage, swallowing the expletive just in time. Sam raised an eyebrow imitating Teal'c for all she was worth.

"I just thought I'd get your side of the story, Colonel. After all, it sounds to me as if you're the one putting all the obstacles in the way of getting a permanent replacement."

Her words, spoken softly, still had the ability to pierce Jack's tough skin and crimson flushed his pale cheeks.

"Not that it's any of your business now, Carter," his words were heavy with sarcasm, "but it so happens another replacement is ready and will be waiting when I return to the mountain. I'm told on good authority that the person is highly qualified and will fit into the team without any difficulty." Jack couldn't help sounding supercilious though he did fail to mention that General Hammond had basically given him a final warning on the way he was handling the matter and if he screwed up again the general would make his own choice and Jack would just have to lump it.

He grimaced at the memory of that blistering conversation, still remembering how the older man had threatened to metaphorically kick some sense into him if he had the audacity to refuse another specially chosen officer. Jack had slunk away from the general's room, tail well and truly tucked between his legs, bewildered that his superior could find fault with his careful sorting of the wheat from the chaff.

"Well I'm glad to hear that, Colonel. I wasn't too happy about leaving SG-1 in the lurch but---."

"Bullshit!"

"I suppose that's one way of ending a meaningful conversation." And before Jack could protest further Sam had spun lightly on her heel and exited his room.

--------------------

"What are you doing, O'Neill?" Teal'c had halted in the doorway of the bedroom, a tray in his hands. His voice conveyed his misgivings, earning him a dark scowl from Jack.

"What does it look like?"

"It looks like you are leaving your bed when Dr. Carter has expressly forbidden---."

"Excuse me!" He growled through gritted teeth, his eyes expressing his disdain. "Tell me I misheard what you just said, Teal'c."

Expression unchanged, Teal'c continued, "Your hearing was not affected by your injuries, O'Neill, I believe you heard me correctly."

"I don't recall Doc Fraiser making any such rule."

Teal'c nodded in agreement.

"There you are then."

Jack's self-satisfied grin vanished as Teal'c bore down on him in a no-nonsense manner, placing the tray on the bedside table and blocking his way.

"I do not believe Dr. Fraiser would disagree with Dr. Carter's decision."

Jack's eyebrows shot up as well as his temper but he understood all too well that arguing with this very large Jaffa would be of no value. He shrugged and gave a conspiratorial grin.

"C'mon T, we guys need to stick together."

Teal'c's manner remained as stone.

"I do not understand the need for adhesive, O'Neill, in this situation."

"Unless we use it on the seat of your boxers to keep you in bed."

Startled, Jack realized that Sam, standing in the doorway with arms crossed, had heard the whole 'guys' thing conversation.

"I sometimes wonder," Sam spoke dryly addressing Teal'c, "how the Colonel here ever made the rank he has when he so obviously finds following the simplest orders difficult."

Turning to Jack, she gave him a sickly sweet smile then nodded to the bed.

"Tell me," and Jack's heart plummeted, "what part of the 'complete bed rest' didn't you understand?"

Jack eyed her narrowly from beneath dark brows just wishing she was still part of the Air Force and under his command. He would kick her butt into touch before she knew what was happening.

As if reading his thoughts, Sam's own mouth tightened and her chin angled up.

"If you'd be so kind Teal'c, please make sure Colonel O'Neill returns to bed immediately – use whatever force you see fit." Turning to leave she paused as she had another thought. Turning her head she spoke softly over her shoulder but with an unmistakable warning. "Colonel, if I find you out of bed for any reason other than a bathroom stop for the next twenty-four hours, you'll find yourself divest of your boxers and t-shirt."

She saw the disbelief in his eyes followed by indignant outrage and she smiled wickedly as he gasped, "You wouldn't---."

"I **wouldn't** recommend you putting me to the test," she interrupted ominously. "You might find you've bitten off more than you can chew."

Mouth agape, eyes positively bulging with impotent fury, Jack watched her walk out of his room muttering about ungrateful, mule-headed men she'd had the misfortune to know.

"I heard that!"

A faint but positive "Good!" was heard followed by the slamming of the outside door.

"Who the hell does she think she is?"

"She is---"

"I know who she is goddammit!" Jack snapped. He glowered hard at Teal'c who was chivvying him back to his bed. "She's worse than Doc in triplicate on a bad day," he growled, grabbing the bedclothes off the Jaffa who was attempting to straighten the bedding.

"I believe, O'Neill, that Dr. Carter has your interests at heart."

"That's crap, Teal'c, out and out crap."

"If that is true, why did she drive to the service station to get you those?"

He was pointing to the tray which contained a bowl of fruit loops.

Trying to mask his surprise, Jack grumbled, "She got them for herself."

Teal'c eyed him with disdain, refusing to discuss the matter further, placing the tray on his lap and watching him.

"This isn't feeding time at the zoo, you know," he complained

"I am aware of that, but Dr. Carter asked me to ensure you consumed this meal. I have read that breakfast is the most important meal of the day and ----."

"Can it, Teal'c." Jack was not in the mood for a lesson on home economics.

"As you wish." Yet the large warrior stood over the patient and made sure the cereal and orange juice were eaten. To his surprise, Jack devoured it all then looked around expectantly.

"So, where's the coffee?"

"That was one on the list of forbidden items."

'Damn, if Daniel were here he'd take pity on me. And if Daniel were here I wouldn't be in all this sh--.'

----------------------------

Having walked to the lake to cool off, Sam now retreated to the kitchen and tiredly made herself fresh coffee, enjoying the aroma and hoping it would give her that extra boost she felt sure she'd need to deal with a sick, bored Air Force colonel with the temper of an irritated rhinoceros and the patience of a termite.

She sighed heavily but had to smile when she remembered his look of horror when she'd threatened to carry out her threat to keep him in his bed. 'He could hardly believe his ears,' she thought. 'Sweet, amenable Sam who's always backed you to the hilt no matter the situation. Well, you pissed me off once too often and you're going to have to learn one way or the other that there are consequences to certain acts.'

----------------------

The scratching noise caught her attention and she wandered back into the living room, her eyes alighting on the kitten scratching away at Jack's bedroom door.

'Definitely female,' she thought wryly, 'can't keep away from him.' And then more soberly, 'Well I have. I've cracked six months – or maybe I'm the one who's cracked.' She smiled self-consciously trying to figure just what it was – the enigma that was Colonel Jack O'Neill – that had her heart racing at the mere mention of his name, had her mind in turmoil, her emotions shot to hell and which had her battling to prevent herself from allowing the palm of her right hand making very firm and satisfying contact with his arrogant face whilst wanting to throw herself with total abandon into his arms and, cliché or not, make wild, passionate love to him. She shook her head, annoyed with herself.

'Get a grip, Sam. You've got a job to do. Just do it and worry later about what happens when the proverbial stuff hits the fan.'

The kitten was beginning to mewl now as she tried to still gain entrance.

"I know what you feel like, kitty,' she muttered sympathetically, bending and scooping the furry ball into her arms. For a moment the kitten allowed itself to be distracted but just as swiftly it jumped down and commenced its scratching.

Shaking her head in amusement she opened the door, leaving it slightly ajar in case of ablutions. Just at that moment Jack could be heard demanding coffee. She smiled grimly and returned to the kitchen heating water and filling a mug.

Back in the bedroom, Jack eyed her approvingly when he saw the mug she was carrying, that is until she held it out to him.

"What's that?"

"Green tea."

He eyed her mirthlessly and she returned his look, stare for stare. "Don't you ever give up?"

She frowned. 'You should know.' "Drink it."

"I'll pass."

"It's good for you."

"Then you drink it, Carter."

Sam rolled her eyes in annoyance. "When are you going to get it into your head that I'm trying to help you?" She couldn't prevent the exasperation in her voice.

Jack simply stared at her through veiled eyes, purposely remaining silent.

"You really are impossible!" she snapped before marching from the room.

"So they tell me," he replied dryly, smiling as he watched her stiff back retreat to a safer part of the cabin.

------------------------

The next few days passed with Sam battling against Jack's ill humour and yet she had to admit that, at times, it appeared that he accepted her presence, or at least, she thought wryly, he tolerated her. There were even moments, she barely dared to admit, when they were almost back to being what they used to be.

She supposed it had, in part, to do with the episode which occurred the day following Jack's confinement to bed. As the morning passed and the afternoon wore on, the

patient's tolerance level was stretched taut to snapping and even more so was Sam's. For what seemed like the thousandth time she heard Jack's voice complaining that he should be allowed out of bed to at least shower and shave. She and Teal'c had vetoed this request as many times as it was asked but still the Colonel insisted on repeating the demand.

Working at a desk in the living room, she had read and reread a paragraph she was writing for a science article for what seemed to her the twenty-sixth time and felt she was just about making inroads into the concept she was attempting to clarify, when Jack's belligerent voice interrupted her train of thought yet again. Slamming closed her notepad, she closed her eyes, breathing deeply, willing a shred of peace and calmness to enter her despairing soul. He had asked just once too often. Gritting her teeth and screwing up her bloodshot eyes she fought her temper. The battle swayed back and forth until, finally, there was a truce of sorts.

Calmly she stood and went about her work.

----------------------

He watched her guardedly as she carried a tray in, walking straight into his bathroom without so much as a 'by your leave'. He could hear the sound of running water and frowned.

'What the hell was going on?'

Teal'c appeared at his side nodding genially. "It is time for a change, O'Neill." And before he could protest, Jack found himself divest of his t-shirt.

"So where's the fresh one?"

Sam reappeared. "Thanks Teal'c."

"You are welcome, Dr. Carter."

"Hey, what about my t-shirt?"

Teal'c paused at the doorway to the bedroom. "Once Dr. Carter has completed her undertaking, you will be provided with one."

"Undertaking? What undertaking? What are you talking about?" he demanded, clearly annoyed. He turned to face Sam allowing the Jaffa the opportunity to leave without further hindrance. "What's going on, Carter?" he growled, slightly alarmed when Sam laid a large towel over his lap, placed another at the side and put two small bowls of water on the bedside table. His eyes widened as he noticed his razor and shaving foam on the tray.

Smiling sweetly, Sam picked up the foam and depressed the plunger allowing a small handful into her left palm.

"You're cranky, Colonel. I thought a shave would --."

"No way, Carter!" He lunged up only to find Sam's right hand pressed firmly against his bare chest, pushing him back against the pillows.

"Oh yes, sir." Deceptively gentle, her tone still managed to convey a determination Jack clearly recognised and before he could do anything to prevent it, Sam had slapped white foam to his stubbled jaw. He stiffened at her touch and Sam paused for an instant, looking him straight in the eye, but the moment eye contact was made Jack dropped his gaze. "This isn't going to be as bad as you imagine, Colonel," she uttered confidently, trying to break through the invisible barrier Jack had erected against her. And then without further hesitation she applied more foam to both his cheeks, smoothing it over his chin and up each side of his face. With a small look of contrition, she smoothed the foam over his mouth and under his nose, using a finger to wipe away most of the stuff from his lips.

"Think of it as a beauty treatment. Just lie back and enjoy it."

He snorted in disgust, eyes widening in alarm as she checked his razor and brought it towards him. He stiffened, pressing himself back into the pillows not liking the twinkle in Sam's blue eyes.

"Relax, Colonel – I do know how to use one of these. If you stay still, I promise not to cause too much damage."

Sam found herself actually enjoying the task as she cut clean swathes through the thick snowy foam revealing smooth pink skin beneath; her mathematical mind approved of the order revealed out of the chaos and she smiled in pleasure at her handiwork.

"What's so funny?"

She hesitated, about to use the towel to remove the excess foam.

"You."

Ugh oh – he didn't like that answer she realized but she wasn't about to back down now. She watched him carefully as she finished with the razor, cleaning his face gently.

I'll just change the water."

"Don't bother."

"It's no bother."

Jack's eyes narrowed menacingly. "Let me make myself clear." His voice had definitely dropped in temperature to glacial levels, his eyes burning holes in her.

Refusing to acknowledge this, she chattered on, "You'll feel a whole lot better when ---."

"I'll feel a whole lot better when you stop treating me like a little kid!"

Battling to bite her tongue on the scalding words which cried out to be spoken, the effort proved too much and her whiplash answer had him blinking in astonishment.

"Then I suggest you stop acting like a spoilt five year old!"

He froze before dark colour suffused his newly shaved jaw. Shifting restlessly, he mumbled something inaudible.

"What was that?" she snapped quite sure he was cursing her. And for a moment she thought he'd ignore her until, his voice heavy with sarcasm, he exploded, "I said, I'm too old for a spanking!"

Biting on her lower lip to prevent the well-deserved response to that comment, Sam fought to maintain a passive appearance as she replaced his shaving gear. Returning to his side, she found him lying face down on the bed. However, ignoring his ill humour she chose to put on a light voice saying, "You must feel a lot better without all that growth on your face."

Silence.

'Okay, suit yourself.' She shrugged and turned to leave him to his own scintillating company when his next words froze her to the spot.

"Why did you leave?"

Had she imagined the words? Unable to see his face she wasn't altogether sure her own emotions were playing tricks but his complete and utter stillness, the tautness of his body, were enough to convince her the question was real, spoken softly, no hint of feeling to show her, one way or the other, what was behind the question.

She realized she was twisting one of the towels in her restless hands, her nerves jittery. How many times had she asked herself the same question, only imagining herself putting it to him?

"I never thought you'd ask" she whispered softly.

"I am now." His voice was muffled.

She watched the back of his head intently. His forehead rested on his folded arms, his face completely hidden. Without need to compose her features, Sam knew her eyes reflected the pain she felt deep inside, and as it rose to the surface so too did the anger which simmered even deeper within.

No, no! She couldn't allow that out – it was all consuming, a ferocious entity with a will of its own. Struggling to rein it in, she heard her own voice trembling and wasn't surprised to find her hands shaking. She forced a short, bitter laugh past the huge lump in her throat.

"You heard me tell Teal'c – everything was screwed up ….." She tried controlling her breathing "I...I decided I needed a change."

Unable to stay still any longer she grabbed the bowls and emptied them in the bathroom failing to hear Jack's muttered "Bullshit."

He felt the warm drops on his bare back and started, half turning, unsure what it was he could feel.

"Relax, Colonel. It's a little oil."

"What the hell."

"You're too tense; I'm just going to give you a back rub."

"I don't think ----."

Her firm hands began to knead his back cutting off his protest as her capable hands knew just where to find the tightest knots.

"So tell me," her voice was a little breathless from her exertions, "how was Edora?"

There, she'd managed to broach the subject without feeling the need to hit him; though she had to admit the pummelling she was giving his shoulders at that minute was rather severe.

Was he going to answer?

"I didn't hang around long enough to find out – I gated straight off."

"Ahh….. It must have been pretty satisfying when you brought back all those traitors?"

She could feel him begin to tense beneath her hands.

"What's your point, Carter?" His voice reflected the same apprehension.

"No point, Colonel. Just making an observation."

Silence again. Slowly, was it almost reluctantly she wondered, she felt him relax. She heard the faintest of sighs as she kneaded the back of his neck and gradually, carefully, she moved down his spine, lower, lower.

A wicked thought sprang to mind and she carefully started to lower the covers.

He lunged for them as best he could, hindered by being on his stomach, stiffening at the intrusion.

"Carter?" It was a warning, a definite 'hands off, don't go there.'

Smiling broadly she put on her most innocent voice. "Colonel?"

"I think you've finished," he growled.

"But I was just going to ---."

"You've finished!" he snapped peremptorily.

Using her sweetest, most grovelling tone she said, "Whatever you say, Colonel."

---------------------

He was still seething when Teal'c entered his room, approaching with what he considered was good news.

"O'Neill – you are in for a treat," but getting no response, the large man's head inclined to the side. "This does not appear to be raising your spirits. I was under the impression that treats were enjoyable."

Jack's scowl deepened the more the larger man spoke.

"I do not understand, O'Neill. You have been whining to be ----"

"I don't whine, for crying out loud!" he snapped indignantly.

"I agree you do not use a high-pitched voice, O'Neill, but you are most certainly repetitive in your demands, much like a trying child. However, it would seem Dr. Carter has listened to your w--." Here he paused seeking a diplomatic way out, aware of Jack's continued glare. "...wishes, and she has decided that if you do not overtax yourself, you may be allowed out of bed to join us for dinner."

He tried hiding his surprise, the fact that he was euphoric at the prospect of leaving his bed.

"That's fine," he murmured expressionlessly.

"Shall I run a bath for you?"

"I'll have a shower." Then seeing the look Teal'c was giving him, he shrugged. "Hey, it was worth a try. Whatever, I've got to get this blasted oil off me anyway." And he sniffed suspiciously at a shoulder, unsure whether it was a feminine scent or not. Still, he decided to take no chances and soak for a long, long time.

---------------------------

Go to Part 4


	4. Chapter 4

14

Starting Over Part 4

He was happy, there was no denying it. He was out of bed, in some comfortable sweats, sitting on the sofa with his leg up. The kitten was asleep on his chest and he had a beer. What could be better? Well, lots actually, he confessed, but compared to twelve hours ago this was good, better than good.

"Something amuses you, O'Neill?"

Looking up at the Jaffa, only now did he realize he must have been grinning. He sensed Sam's eyes on him from across the room but continued to stare at Teal'c.

"Not exactly – just appreciating the small things in life such as ...," and he raised his can of beer. "Even if it is 'light'."

He stroked the kitten's chin, sending its furry body into a paroxysm of purring, no longer caring that his tough reputation was being blown to smithereens.

"You are right. Good food and good company in pleasing surroundings are indeed some of what you Tauri call the 'good things in life'."

And although he didn't exactly agree with the Jaffa, neither did Jack disagree.

---------------------------

He could feel the changes with every passing day, could rejoice quietly in the strength returning to his weakened leg, could even cope with being in the same room as Sam without feeling his insides twist into painful knots. Well… almost.

Jack stretched his left leg carefully, pleased that he could do something as simple and pleasurable as that without any barbs of pain shooting down to his toes and back up to his hip. He had removed the leg brace that morning and was well pleased that he could walk down to the water's edge with only minor discomfort. Things, he decided, were definitely looking up. Even the daily morning workout with Teal'c was no longer the torture session it had been. Every day he was able to pass a milestone he had quietly set himself on his road to recovery. He had overcome, surpassed all challenges.

He frowned as his eyes swept to the right to where Sam lay on her stomach on the newly mowed lawn, dressed in cut off jeans and baggy t-shirt, reading a book whose title, from where he was, Jack was unable to read.

His frown deepened. Yes, all challenges overcome but for one.

With her back to him, he was able to watch her, his gaze moving over her from behind his dark sunglasses. He noted that she had managed to acquire a gentle golden tan in the week she'd been at the cabin – it suited her he decided. She'd looked too pale when he'd first set eyes on her – all eyes in ashen, drawn face. He realized now how vulnerable she had been waiting on that deck, waiting to see what sort of greeting she'd get from him.

She was no fool. Knowing her, she would have been ready for anything he could have thrown at her. Besides, Teal'c wouldn't have allowed him to get too carried away he realized. The large Jaffa wasn't averse to taking him by the scruff of his neck and shaking some sense into him, Jack admitted wryly from bitter experience.

She was totally absorbed in her reading and his curiosity got the better of him when he started to wonder what it was that could keep her so engrossed on the book. Physics? Chemistry? He began to edge closer, intending to circumnavigate her position one hundred and eighty degrees but keeping outside of the perimeter of her vision – staying unobserved. Unobserved, that is, until he snorted. He drew closer.

"Harry Potter?" His disdain was evident. "Is that what you're reduced to reading now you're part of the 'real' world?" he demanded scathingly.

Slowly, ever so slowly, the book was placed on the grass but Jack was unable to see Sam's eyes which were also hidden behind dark sunglasses.

"You object to my choice of reading material?" Sam's tone was carefully neutral.

"Wouldn't dream of it, Carter," he answered stingingly.

She held his gaze for a moment more then slowly turned back to her book trying hard to concentrate on the words and, to her consternation, failing miserably.

She was all too aware of his close proximity – he hadn't moved, still towering over her and the nerves in her body were sounding out alarms as they sensed the antagonism radiating from the man so very close. Still she refused to move, to show any reaction to him. She was going to ignore him if it took every ounce of willpower in her body.

Her serenity annoyed him. No, it damn well irritated the hell out of him. How was it she could just lay there without a care in the world? As his exasperation levels soared, Jack could feel the build up of a need within him to shake that calm demeanour. Yeah, he'd make her sit up and take notice, Little Miss Complacency. Had she forgotten just what it was all about? Could college and Mr. Fiancé – hell, he didn't even know the guy's name – have proven so perfect that all else was simply pushed aside? And as images of her with another man assailed his dark thoughts, it proved to be the trigger to his petulant provocation of her.

"Don't suppose you heard about Talbot, did you?"

The devil was on his shoulder, prodding him on and he obeyed enthusiastically.

Hidden behind her shades, Sam frowned. 'What was this now?' she wondered, alert to the change in Jack's voice. She wanted desperately to ignore him but he knew her too well - her resistance crumbled.

"Talbot from SG-8?"

"Yeah, seems Eriksson got pissed off with something and nothing and transferred. While Ian was training someone to replace his 2IC, he got zapped."

Sam couldn't prevent the sharp intake of dismayed breath nor could she stop herself from shooting up off the ground, her face mere inches from Jack's. Her outrage made her tremble and she clenched her fists tightly by her sides fighting within herself for control.

'Bastard!' she thought bitterly. He smiled coldly, contemptuously.

"I suppose if you can't take the heat, it's a good thing you scuttled off out of the kitchen."

It was too much to tolerate. A red rage flared through her as hot tears forced their way to her concealed eyes, whilst her hand raised itself in lightening reflex searching for his dark stubbled jaw, desperate to make heavy contact. But illness had not slowed his own powers of self preservation and Sam found her wrist held in a powerful vice as her body was hauled against Jack.

"Ah ah," he admonished lightly, his supercilious tone forcing Sam to grit her teeth in fury. "If you'd still been in the Air Force, Carter, this would have been a court martial offence."

He was grinning at her as she tried hard to ignore the fact that she was held fast, aware of her body pulled hard against Jack's own solid form. She stiffened and tried jerking away, grimacing at the pain in her wrist.

"Stop struggling and it won't hurt."

"Let. Go!"

"As soon as I'm assured you won't take a swing at me I'll --."

She raised her knee in a reflex move but it appeared Jack could read her thoughts, his free hand blocking her move and twisting her round so that she found herself held fast in his arms, her back to him.

She seethed at her impotence ready to use any tactic, fair or foul, to bring about her release. If she had to heel him in his bad knee…..

"Don't even think about it," he whispered into her ear, his lips almost caressing her as he issued the warning.

Her eyes flared wide in shock. 'Could he read her thoughts? … No way!'

She shifted her weight preparing herself for the assault, refusing to think of the consequences, of what Janet would say or do.

She felt herself pushed away, released just as she was about to commit herself, and almost lost her balance so unprepared was she at being set loose.

She whipped round, her face livid in its anger. She raged at the arrogance she saw in her former CO's features and threw back a look of pure venom as she battled to bring her emotions under control.

Never before had she come so close to totally losing it with anyone. She could feel her muscles beginning to tremble and hugged herself, turning her back on Jack to hide her lack of control.

"Wise move, Carter," His voice was still infuriatingly calm, tinged with self-righteousness. He grinned coldly. "You would probably have found it pretty difficult trying to explain to Teal'c why you found sitting so painful."

Unable to believe her ears, Sam whirled round, astonishment warring with her anger.

"You wouldn't dare!" she spluttered, her face suffused a deep blushing red, her mortification desperate. Jack stared her straight in the eye and if it were possible she felt more heat rising in her face.

His step was deliberate as he moved towards her, a wicked grin twisting his features.

"I know my leg isn't up to much at the moment but I can sure as hell cope with turning you over my knee and whipping your sorry butt."

Was this happening to her? Was she going to find herself waking from this nightmare scenario and laughing at her embarrassment? She sighed heavily. No such luck. Her face twisted into a mask of ugly pain. Could she ever have actually enjoyed working with this jackass, she raged inwardly, sucking in a sharp breath? Struggling to cope with her turbulent emotions she felt the dismay as a huge lump in her throat and she fought the bitter tears of frustration, blinking madly to force them back.

'I won't cry in front of you, I won't give you that satisfaction!' And then, remembering what she had so carefully arranged, the blood drained from her face leaving her pale, making Jack think she was about to faint.

'Oh God, what have I done?' she asked herself in horror. 'He hates me more than ever.' And throwing him one last look of dismay she escaped his derisive glare.

-----------------------------

Damn, damn and treble damn. What the hell had just happened? Jack ran a hand through already dishevelled hair, confused by the lopsided turn in the conversation with Sam. He grimaced as he recalled how he'd provoked her in a manner which left him wondering about his ethics. He shook his head wearily, remembering the colour draining from her face making him afraid that she would fall over.

He realized, belatedly, that if he had been able to see the anguish he knew was hidden behind her dark sunglasses, his resolve to hurt her would have shattered into a million tiny pieces. It had almost come to that when he'd grabbed her and held her against him. His senses had been so aroused by the contact that he'd practically had to push her away for fear she would have felt his body's attraction to her.

He was going to have to somehow make it up to her and not being too big on apologies he winced in apprehension at the thought of what he'd have to do to atone for his foul behaviour. Whichever way he looked at it, it certainly wasn't going to be pleasant. Damn, damn and treble damn.

-------------------------------

He'd spent the remainder of the afternoon down by the lake going over in his mind possible ways to show her that he hadn't meant to be such a god-awful bastard.

Slowly, but surely, over this past week the realization had fought its way through his twisted pain and anger to emerge as a cohesive thought – and that thought was that he was glad she'd come back into his life even if it was on terms he preferred to throw through the gate to land on some remote, uninhabited planet a million miles away.

He'd missed her – it was as simple as that – missed her badly.

And so he searched for ways to best show Sam that she was still cherished by him without revealing his deeper, more profound feelings. Those he'd just have to deal with himself.

It was dark by the time he returned to the cabin and Jack was actually surprised at how late it was.

He looked for Sam trying not to seem too obvious, but Teal'c was well aware of his commander's interest.

"You search will be fruitless, O'Neill. Dr. Carter has gone out."

"Out?" Jack felt affronted. What the hell! He'd just spent the last few hours desperately trying to find a way to put right what had transpired and now she'd gone off leaving him truly high and dry. Hadn't he just worked his ass off trying to find a way out of this dilemma? And where had it got him?

Teal'c silently laid a plate of food before Jack, noting the dark scowl marring the features of the silver-haired man. Jack picked up a fork, moving the food around on his plate unenthusiastically, making no attempt to eat it.

"I believe Dr. Carter has gone to a place called O'Reilly's."

"O'Reilly's?" Jack's voice resonated with disbelief and scorn. "What the hell's she gone to that place for?" And as it was purely rhetorical, he did not expect nor want a reply from the larger man sitting opposite. Teal'c, however, chose to continue.

"She has gone to meet someone there, O'Neill."

Jack's eyebrows rose high as he glared at the Jaffa, then afraid he was revealing too much, his gaze dropped to his plate. Silence ensued.

Teal'c, behind his inscrutable visage, watched the other man with just a hint of exasperation. 'These Tauri are illogical,' he decided wryly. He had long understood what Jack's feelings were for his 2IC and yet, to his surprise, no action had been taken. In fact, it even appeared that the two in question had grown further apart. And once circumstances had separated them, after Jack's initial desire to find Sam, come what may, had evaporated into anger and denial, the resulting vacuum had been a painful thing to observe.

Although the initial reintroduction of Jack and Sam had not been entirely comfortable and there had been the odd moment or two when Teal'c's habitually calm demeanour was taxed by Jack's stubborn attitude, he had seen the rebirth of a growing attraction these last few days, but after seeing Sam practically in tears as she hurried out a short while earlier, and now seeing Jack's troubled features, he was under the distinct impression that all his, Daniel's and Janet's hard work was going to come to nothing.

"You know this O'Reilly's?"

Jack grunted. He really didn't want to talk.

"You have been there?" Teal'c was nothing if not persistent.

Another grunt – he was definitely giving out signals to be left well alone but Teal'c being Teal'c ignored the vibes.

"Are you not interested to see with whom Dr. Carter has made this assignation, O'Neill?"

'No!"

"It is not her fiancée."

Jack's head shot up. "Wh-at?"

'Ah, some reaction.' Teal'c nodded in satisfaction. "I said 'it is not --.'"

"I heard what you said. How the hell do you know that?" Jack snapped, his dark eyes burning.

"Dr. Carter told me."

Rubbing his forehead as if he were in pain, Jack tried to get his head around the information Teal'c was calmly throwing to him like a handler throwing fish to a seal.

"She told you that she wasn't going to meet her fiancé?"

Teal'c regarded him benignly. "I did not say that, O'Neill." Then seeing Jack's shoulders slump, Teal'c continued, not wishing to prolong his commander's pain, "Dr. Carter does not have a fiancé, O'Neill. She has not since just before her arrival here." He didn't need to say that if Jack had just taken the time to be civilised and talk with his former 2IC, he would have learned this information for himself – the reproof was there.

The dark warrior allowed this information to be digested, permitting the younger man to assimilate the important news.

'Maybe it does make sense,' Jack thought, determined not to allow his mind to go into overdrive and failing miserably. It would account for the apparent lack of contact from either side though it didn't, he realized, answer the question of whom she met up with just under a week ago. And who was it tonight, for god's sake? Was it someone from around here? – how else would she know about O'Reilly's? It wasn't exactly on the five-star tourist track.

As all these thoughts raced around inside his head like a kaleidoscope, Teal'c sat back calmly awaiting the outcome. He had to admit he was somewhat perplexed by O'Neill's behaviour when it came to Samantha Carter. Being a man of unwavering action, it was almost a shock to see him procrastinating, hesitant, unsure, and dare he think it? Afraid. He shook his head, glad that he, as a Jaffa, did not have to endure these warring emotions so at odds with what he knew of his leader. Being a Tauri was not easy but at least he could help to make this very difficult path a little easier. And so he sat back and waited tolerantly.

He didn't have to wait much longer. Abruptly, Jack pushed back his chair and limped to the door.

"I need your keys, Teal'c."

"That will not be necessary, O'Neill. I will drive you."

Jack winced. "Negative, Teal'c…. but thanks for the offer."

Observing the grey-haired man before him, Teal'c was gratified to see a fresh determination in the eyes of the SG-1 leader, but he was still concerned enough to attempt to change Jack's mind.

"This O'Reilly's, is it safe?"

Jack smiled warmly – the first time in a long while.

"I think I can get in and out without too much trouble. You don't have to watch my six this time round."

Teal'c regarded him for another moment, and then once again inclined his head graciously.

'It is time you talked to Dr. Carter, O'Neill."

Eyes narrowed, Jack stiffened. He didn't like people interfering in his affairs and he knew the Jaffa understood this. Yet still Teal'c had felt it necessary to speak, felt the need to point his stubborn, cantankerous brother-in-arms in the right direction and give him a shove to boot.

Jack gave a barely perceptible nod, catching the keys thrown to him.

"Thanks."

"You are welcome O'Neill."

At the door, Jack turned to look over his shoulder. "Don't wait up for me, Dad."

He was amused to see the larger man frown but Teal'c's reply wiped the smile from Jack's face.

"Dr. Fraiser's orders still require you to be in your bed by twenty-two hundred hours, O'Neill."

Aghast, Jack checked his watch, realizing he had barely an hour and a half to get there and back and do what – he had no idea – before the doc's curfew set in.

"Aw, c'mon, Teal'c. There's not a chance in hell I'll -----."

He saw the hint of a smile touch Teal'c's lips and glared.

"Is that not what a concerned father would say, O'Neill?"

Raising his eyes to the heavens, Jack sighed loudly.

---------------------------------

He could hear the music through the large open doorway as he pulled into the car park and grimaced – not his type of music at all.

He sat in the car for a few minutes trying to decide his best course of action. He wasn't happy – this was too much like unknown territory for him. In a job where preparation and planning were a major part of the workload, he suddenly felt vulnerable to what lay ahead.

'Ah hell, O'Neill,' he mumbled darkly to himself, 'get a grip!'

He massaged his leg which was protesting from the demands of the drive but inertia was pushed aside as he stepped from Teal'c's vehicle and made for the entrance.

So intent was he on searching for Sam as he went through the entrance, that he failed to notice the fair-haired young man brush past him with his briefcase, did not register the strangeness of an 'office' man in such a place, and in all the myriad of cars in the car park, failed to notice the military plates on one dark four-wheel drive. He had other things on his mind.

Waving the Stetson-headed hostess away, he approached the wide wooden bar, polished to a lustre so that it was possible to see the sparkling glasses' reflections in it.

Jack nodded to one of the bartenders and took a seat to the side, in the shadows, well away from the frenetic activity going on in the main part of the establishment. Raising his head he was able to view the whole area without being too obvious himself.

There was a small stage on which a group, made up of three men and a woman, were playing guitars, bass and fiddle with one or more singing out, whilst on the larger dance floor couples moved to the rhythm of the music.

Jack's dark eyes merely skimmed these – he didn't expect Sam to be among those enjoying the music in this more physical way. He was more cautious as he cast a glance over the tables but again he was not successful and for a moment he wondered if she had already left – had they passed each other on the road? He shook his head. He didn't think so.

A cool beer was pushed towards him and he raised it to his lips savouring the taste – the real stuff – which he'd been denied since he'd fallen under Janet's despotic ministrations.

Sighing with satisfaction, he continued his survey of the room, aware that the booths at the edges of the room offered a little more privacy so that Jack was unable to see every single person.

Enjoying his beer and not wanting to rush the experience, he decided he could afford to take his time. He wouldn't admit it openly but the energy and excitement emanating from all of these people out to have a good time was, somehow, contagious and Jack found himself slowly relaxing. As he watched the couples on the dance floor he could almost forget why he was there, almost ignore the tight knot that had formed in the pit of his queasy stomach.

He caught sight of the back of a blonde head, short cut, tall, slim figure dancing with a partner but as she turned he realized she wasn't the one he was searching for and his heart started beating again.

His gaze paused at a table of men, loud and on their way to getting drunk - Friday night customers letting off steam after a hard week at the factory, attempting to catch the eyes of women without male attachments. A passing barmaid had to be quick to avert the groping hands that came her way, and one particularly persistent joker had his knuckles slapped hard. The remainder at the table burst into adolescent peals of laughter and tried easing their raging hormones by indulging in their second passion, downing as many tankards of beer in the shortest time possible.

Jack shook his head indulgently – in the early days of his Air Force career he had gained a certain reputation for similar nonsense. But not now. He was too worldly- wise and cynical to get into that sort of mess he confessed. Except for a certain blue-eyed blonde who had the ability to turn him on his head.

'Dammit, O'Neill,' he chastised himself severely. 'You can challenge a dozen Goa'uld system lords yet come unstuck over one little astrophysicist!'

He downed his drink and quickly demanded another before a little voice in his head began to warn him of dire consequences should a certain CMO find out he'd been mixing meds with alcohol, not to mention his breaking of the curfew. Right now, however, he had other more pressing problems to deal with. Doc and her rules would just have to be put on hold.

He did another quick scan of the room, wincing at some of the outrageous 'cowboy' styles some of the men and women wore. It was, he decided, the western hats which really irritated him. How on earth any one in their right mind could choose a Stetson when there were perfectly good baseball caps to be had for a fraction of the cost. Absurd! He wouldn't be seen dead in --.

He suddenly caught sight of blonde hair and his heart leaped to his mouth. She'd appeared from one of the booths at the far side of the room, blue-jean legs and a close fitting white t-shirt.

His breath almost caught in his throat as he realized that it was Sam at the same time as he accepted she was utterly, mind-stoppingly beautiful in the most casual of clothes. Her legs simply went on forever whilst the t-shirt hugged her figure just as it was supposed to.

As Jack drank in all her attributes he also understood that, naturally, he wasn't alone in appreciating what was on view. Every single man in the room knew a vision of beauty when he saw it and, given Sam's natural demeanour, it was all the more enticing.

Casting his eyes behind her, Jack could see no one following her and if he wasn't mistaken, she looked as if she was heading for the exit.

'Yes! This is looking good.'

He felt his whole body relax, the tension dissipating as he watched her walking out.

"Hey, doll face, c'mon over here."

"Light of my life – let your smile light up my life."

"Sugar babe!"

'Who in hell used those lines, for crying out loud?'

He watched Sam falter momentarily as she realized the accolades were meant for her. A faint flush crept over her neck and face and her eyes dropped to the floor so no one could see the annoyed embarrassment reflected in them.

Torn between longing to keep his eyes on Sam and at the same time wanting to beat the crap out of whoever was causing her this distress – his gaze ventured in the direction of those calling out and alighted on the table of Friday night revellers, the ones letting off steam the only way they knew how – and now they had struck gold. Big time!

His features darkening, Jack glared at the table, the men oblivious to the danger so close at hand. And certainly they were unaware of the other danger as Sam made to pass by their table. Suddenly, the one with the long, black hair and sparkling green eyes which danced so mischievously, was blocking her way, and although Sam hadn't seen him Jack certainly had, rising from his seat with a fluidity which belied the injury to his left leg.

"Carter!"

His warning carried across the rowdy room, transcending the noise of the patrons, cutting through the rhythm and beat of the musicians.

As if jolted by a current of electricity, Sam's head shot up, her huge eyes searching for the owner of the voice, only vaguely aware of someone or something in her path. All her sensors were attuned to that voice, so totally unexpected in this concrete way after she had been listening to the same voice replaying in her head for the last few hours.

His tall figure, with dark brown eyes which appeared to burn into her, was caught in her hostile glare and as she returned his look with one chillingly frozen, she heard the odd word of the man in front of her, caught the look of lust mingled with open admiration, and as words of rejection jumped to her lips, Jack's caustic words rang in her ears "…good thing you scuttled off out of the kitchen." And she blushed deeper recalling his threat to mete out corporal punishment as if she were an insolent juvenile.

Jack saw the look of defiance and resentment she threw at him as she turned back, the cold anger on her face replaced by a tantalizing grin, offered so patently to the stranger, that Jack flinched feeling it almost as a physical slap to his own cheek.

Arms folded defensively across his chest, he watched her with the younger man, his eyes menacingly bleak as he watched the two interact with each other.

Still he waited for her to brush the character off and so sure was he of this that he actually groaned aloud when he saw the man take hold of her arm, as if he goddamn owned her, and led her to a spare chair at his table. With an air of total disbelief, Jack watched as she interacted with all the men, appearing relaxed and at ease even though she must have been aware of their drunken leering.

Shifting restlessly on his stool, Jack turned his back, motioning to one of the bartenders for another drink – this time a double whisky - after seeing Sam accept a beer. His face flat with rejection, Jack proceeded to down it in two rapid gulps then rapped on the bar for a refill.

Having observed this particular customer for some time, Steve, the head bartender, was slightly puzzled at this turn of events. Accustomed to observing and analyzing his clientele, he had placed the grey-haired client in the cautious group, one who would enjoy a few and then move on. From seeing this man drink carefully for most of the time he'd been in the bar he now exuded a 'do not disturb' warning as he proceeded to drink himself into a stupor. From long experience, Steve knew that look but he accepted that he'd never seen the transformation occur so suddenly, It was as if a switch had been thrown from 'go slow – care, care, care' to 'all speed ahead – drunken oblivion here I come!'

Jaw locked in grim resignation, Jack sucked the new glass of liquor through gritted teeth, desperate to turn and watch the proceedings but stubbornly refusing to look at something he knew would cut into his soul. Yet his senses were so in synch with the table, it was as if he was at the next one and could hear the bawdy conversation which Sam, in his tortured imagination, was enjoying to the full. He cringed as a roar of laughter bounced around the room, knowing full well from where it came.

Without being able to hear the spoken words, he could tell when Sam spoke and how the other male voices cried their approval. And then he realized there was a change in the tone and frowned chancing a glance over his shoulder. He froze as he watched the black-haired guy lead Sam on to the dance floor, hardly believing as the man put his hands on Sam's waist to begin a Salsa-type dance, spinning her round to the obvious approval of his buddies whose humour grew warmer and more exuberant with the heated expectation of all for their lucky colleague, whilst Jack's own mood darkened ominously.

He rapped on the bar gaining the older bartender's attention and raised his glass. He waited but the glass remained empty. Looking up, his scowl ugly, with a deliberate and precise diction he spoke though somewhat gruffly, "Fill her up."

Friendly, grey eyes observed him carefully. "Don't you think you've had enough?" Steve asked softly.

"Nope."

"You drive here?"

"Not that it's any of your business but, yes."

Jack's dark eyes drilled into the man behind the bar. There was no lack of focus – he seemed sharper than ever, but knowing the amount of alcohol he'd imbibed, Steve knew full well that it wouldn't, couldn't last.

"I can call a cab."

Jack grinned though it didn't reach his eyes. He was aware of the shouts and shrieks of delight coming from 'the' table and knew without looking that Sam and her new found 'friend' had retaken their seats. He saw the bartender looking past him.

"Quite a rowdy element you've got in here – I don't see you calling a cab for them," he remarked dryly.

Steve's eyes narrowed. "When I think someone needs a helping hand, I offer it."

Accepting the gesture for what it was, Jack allowed the ugliness rising within him to subside. "Thanks, but no thanks….If I can't get a drink; guess I'll just watch the show." And he swivelled on his seat leaning his back against the bar. He had eyes for one person only and his vision zoomed in on her.

-------------------

Go to Part 5


	5. Chapter 5

12

Starting Over Part 5

Sitting back at the table with four total strangers, all the worse for drink, was not Sam's idea of a perfect evening and for a moment she wondered what the hell she was doing there.

'Oh yeah, Colonel Jackass, damn him!' she thought bitterly, her eyes turning a darker shade of resentment. 'How dare he try to insinuate that what happened to SG-8 could just as well be SG-1?' Her blood started to boil anew just thinking about it. 'Damn but he's a first class, obstinate, son of a bitch, and why on earth I should have even considered giving up my time to help take care of him…Fool me!'

Realising Tom was trying to refill her half-empty glass; she put her hand over the top.

"Enough, thanks," and her blue eyes, though now sparkling, were firm telling all that she knew her own mind.

"The night's still young darlin'," Tom coaxed, still holding the bottle out.

Sam smiled shaking her head, only half her mind on the conversation whilst the other half was on higher alert, aware that over by the bar a tall, silver-haired Air Force colonel was watching every move she made. 'Well,' she thought grimly, 'might as well give you something worth watching.'

With what she hoped wasn't too overtly dramatic a move, she lay her hand on Tom's shoulder and whispered something in his ear. It was a moment before he reacted, but after a quizzical frown covered his rugged features, he reached over to Sam pulling her to her feet and leading her to the dance floor again.

Crap. Crap. Crap. Jack had never thought it possible of Carter. She had always appeared so cool and reserved. Sure, she'd have fun with the guys – her team – but with total strangers? If he hadn't seen it he wouldn't have believed it. And now here she was partying big time with a group of delinquent thirty-somethings who looked as if the only thing on their minds was to have a piece of Sam Carter.

Jack scowled. Well, it wasn't going to happen. She may be free of her fiancé but it didn't mean he, Jack O'Neill, was going to sit back and allow her to make a complete ass of herself

His eyes narrowed menacingly as he realized the music had slowed and she was now in the guy's arms. 'For crying out loud!' So be it. He pushed himself off of his stool, checked to ease the pain in his leg, and approached the dance floor.

Until the last minute he wasn't sure he'd actually have the nerve to carry it through but as he saw her partner's hands running up and down her back – was he fiddling with her bra fastening! And as the words of the song penetrated his red, hot brain, he knew he had no choice.

_Let's make out – let's do something amazing_

_Let's do something that's all the way_

_'Cos I never touched somebody_

_Like the way I touch your body_

_Now I never want to let your body go …_

Very gently, very properly, he tapped Tom on the shoulder saying, "Excuse me." There was a fixed, tight smile on his lips. He kept his eyes on Sam.

"Get lost." Tom didn't move his head from Sam's neck.

"That's impolite."

Jack tapped again aware that Sam's wide eyes had never left his though her expression was inscrutable.

This time Tom's attention was caught – he didn't look happy. Ignoring the aggressive vibrations emanating from Tom's body, Jack continued. "This is where etiquette demands you hand the lady over to me and you go back to your buddies."

"F-ck off!"

Feigning ignorance Jack shook his head slowly.

"No, that's not how it goes." And now Jack did turn his dark eyes on Sam's partner and what was in them made Tom hesitate.

Under no illusions, Sam was vitally aware of the danger the younger man was in. She didn't take her eyes off Jack.

"What do you think you're doing, Colonel?"

"You know this jerk?" Tom's posture was all aggression.

"It's okay, Tom. I think we can both sit down."

"Carter?"

Her breath caught as she heard the longing and despair voiced in her name, Jack's defences lowered as he turned to her in supplication.

As one part of her yearned to reach out to him, the other half pulled back reminding her of all the pain she had endured this past six months because of him – because of Jack O'Neill.

She stared hard into his deep, fathomless eyes, unable to move, transfixed by their pull as the music and the dancers moved gently around them.

_Let's make a night to remember_

_January to December_

_Let's make love to excite us_

_A memory to ignite us._

"You coming or what?" Tom demanded acerbically.

"Just give me a minute." She put a gentle hand on the man's arm and as she turned back to Jack, in that single moment she saw a light extinguished in his eyes. The openness had gone replaced by his usual hard, dry veneer which covered all the painful cracks in his complex persona.

"Never figured you'd go for that type, Carter," he muttered coldly.

"You don't know who my type is… sir."

She threw the last word in as an insult and it shot home as she saw Jack blink, his eyes going flat and dull.

"Truer words were never spoken," he rasped, his voice scathing. "Enjoy yourself!" he spat out and turning on his heel, he walked away trying his hardest not to limp, not to show any sign of weakness, not to show he was ready to tear anyone and anything to pieces should he be given the oh so longed for opportunity.

He didn't return to the bar but took an empty booth where he was able to place his order with a barmaid for a bottle of whisky.

'Screw you, bartender,' he thought bleakly catching sight of Steve busily serving a group of men fresh in. His fingers drummed on the table impatiently until, hearing approaching footsteps, he looked up expectantly, already tasting the bite of the alcohol as it burned down his throat, but as he recognised Steve he groaned realizing his chances of drinking himself into total oblivion had been zeroed.

"Sorry, friend, my ruling still stands but I can call that cab."

Jack shook his head slowly. A good soldier knew when to accept defeat. No reason to hang around now. So much for trying to make an apology.

"No need – can do it myself."

He stood and without a backward glance headed for the exit, reaching for the cell phone in his jacket pocket and pressing out the number of a local taxi service. As he was depressing the last digit a heavy blow to his shoulder made him stumble but ready to accept responsibility for the collision, an apology was on his lips until the evil grin of Tom came at him from nowhere followed by a fist to the side of his head.

-------------------------

She was absolutely sure he'd been sitting at the bar but as she scanned the people around her no single guy with silver grey hair came into her vision.

Damn! Maybe he'd gone to the guy's room. From the smell of his breath she knew he'd been doing plenty of drinking – just what Janet had not ordered.

Glancing at her watch – almost eleven, she grimaced, she had an unexpectedly early start tomorrow which wasn't going to be pleasant given that she'd get, she estimated, approximately six hours sleep.

Still no sign of the colonel. Catching sight of the older man behind the bar, Sam caught his attention.

"Tall, grey-haired guy, black leather jacket and …"

Steve smiled. "Just left – he should be outside waiting for a cab if--."

One of the young barmaids quickly approached, interrupting and whispering in his ear. The friendly smile disappeared, replaced by a much more serious scowl.

"One moment, miss. I'll be back in a minute."

The two practically ran outside and it was only then, as she turned and saw Tom's empty table, that a sickening tightness hit the pit of her stomach.

'Please, no,' she cried silently as she followed close on their heels.

Pushing her way through the crowd, her eyes flew to the blood dripping from Jack's left eyebrow, coursing down his cheek and as her automatic training kicked in and she prepared to do battle, she suddenly realized that Tom was on the ground holding both hands to a bloody nose whilst one of his friends lay in the dirt groaning as he held his midriff. The other two stood well back ready, it seemed, to cut and run at the drop of a hat.

"Up to your party tricks again, Tom?" Steve asked dryly. "Well, it appears you cut off more than you could handle this time. Be on your way before I call the police and oh, yeah, you're banned for the duration."

They watched as the two standing helped their fallen comrades up and disappeared into the night.

Turning back to Jack and Sam, Steve surveyed the damage to Jack's eyebrow. "Why don't you come back in and let us help you clean up?"

"Thanks for the offer," Sam interrupted before Jack could get a word in and she smiled to show her appreciation, "but I'll get him back. It's not far."

Watching them walk away, Steve smiled to himself. 'Glad you found each other.'

---------------------------------

The drive passed in frigid silence apart from when Sam had thrust a wad of tissues into Jack's hand for his bleeding eyebrow and snapped, "Warn me if you're going to throw up."

He was out of the car, attempting to hurry for the deck steps before she had come to a complete stop and put on the hand brake, but slamming her door she knew she hadn't quite finished with Jack O'Neill just yet.

Able to move much faster, she easily caught up with him as he entered the cabin and with a firm grip on his elbow she steered him into the kitchen.

"Sit before you fall down."

She moved to a cupboard she knew contained a first aid box and began to rifle through it. Finding what she wanted, she turned back only now noticing that Jack was still standing where she'd left him. Hissing in exasperation, she grabbed a part of his jacket and pushed him over to a kitchen chair where she tugged hard causing him to land heavily on his rear.

He gave a low growl but, ignoring it, she took a firm grasp of his chin, tilting his head up sharply so that she could get a better look at the cut, not allowing herself to stare into his troubled eyes.

"This will hurt," she snapped and without a second's hesitation she applied a wad of cotton which she'd first soaked in some liquid.

She was ready when, with a sharp intake of breath, he tried to rear up and jerk away from the stinging pain and she held on to him with grim determination and pushed down hard so that he was forced back onto his seat.

"Sit still. I haven't finished."

"The hell you have." He tried rising again.

"The hell I haven't," she shot back, pressing down on his wound whilst keeping a vice-like hold on his jacket. "You'll need steri-strips unless you'd prefer a trip to the local hospital?" she challenged dryly.

She knew the answer even with his silence but was pleased to feel the resistance fade from his body. He sat silently, unmoving as she finished her ministrations, eyes lowered, guarded against any possible intrusion.

Once she'd finished, Sam pressed a large glass of water into his hands.

"Drink it all – it might help with the hangover." And piercing him with a look that would have quelled a mob of unruly airmen she continued, "No doubt you'll have the perfect excuse for Janet when she asks about your eye?" Then turning her back on him she started to clean away the debris, ignoring him, but she knew when he stood and headed for his room, choosing not to acknowledge the fact, merely continuing her work.

The sound of his bedroom door closing allowed Sam the respite she so dearly craved and she sank down onto the nearest chair Jack had just vacated, elbows resting on the table, head in her hands.

She started at the sound of Teal'c's voice, gentle and concerned.

"You are unwell, Dr. Carter?"

Wearily she raised her head, a tired smile touching her lips.

"No, Teal'c, just a little tired…I'm afraid you car has been left at O'Malleys – I gave the colonel a lift back."

She saw the raised eyebrows and the gentle nod.

"I have to be away earlier than expected tomorrow, a six a.m. departure. We could go get it now if you like."

Seeing her weariness, the tall Jaffa shook his head. "I will retrieve it in the morning – it will do O'Neill good to have a long, slow walk instead of his usual work out."

Sam smiled – a good enough punishment she thought wryly.

"Can I get you anything, Dr. Carter?"

"No, I'll just have a cup of tea and then I'll retire."

The Jaffa noticed her frown, a look of discomfort pass over her features. He tilted his head to the side and waited patiently.

"Teal'c... er... the colonel… He, er… he doesn't know I'm leaving."

Teal'c's gentle eyes watched her carefully. "Indeed?"

"No…..I thought……well I just…..I wanted--."

'If it would help, I will convey your farewell wishes."

Sam's eyes softened as she silently thanked the dark warrior for his generosity of spirit in not forcing her to put into words what she was unable to do.

"I will see you in the morning Dr. --."

"Oh, don't feel you have to get up on my account."

Teal'c scrutinized her, the slightest of frowns marring his perfect, dark features.

"I do not feel I have to get up on your account, Dr. Carter. I **wish** to get up on your account….There is a subtle difference. You are cherished in my heart as you are in Daniel Jackson's and Colonel O'Neill's."

Sam's eyebrows shot up "Oh, yeah, I know." She was unable to prevent the irony in her tone yet dropped her eyes, feeling vulnerable with Teal'c's admission.

"Do you doubt that I speak the truth, Dr. Carter?"

Sam's eyes shot to his, horrified that he might think she doubted his own feelings.

"No, no, not at all Teal'c. It's just, well...the colonel isn't exactly...what I mean is that I'm not the colonel's favourite person – as you might have noticed." She gave an awkward grin, feeling the colour creeping up her neck.

"I have seen for myself what O'Neill feels for you, Dr. Carter, and I must disagree with your observations."

Sam winced slightly, unwilling to argue with the gentle Jaffa.

"I think I'll simply beg to differ with you there," and she smiled to show there were no hurt feelings.

"Does O'Neill require my assistance?"

"It's okay, Teal'c. I'll check on him before I go up. You go and do your kel-nor'reem and I'll see you in the morning."

Sitting at the breakfast bar, she made her tea last longer than normal, now wishing she had let the Jaffa go in to Jack.

'Why did I say I'd check on him?' she asked herself crossly. 'He's fit to chew me up and spit me out in tiny pieces! Why do I put myself in such unpleasant situations?'

Washing her cup, ensuring the kitchen was immaculate and turning out the lights, Sam now hesitated outside Jack's bedroom door. Softly, very, very softly she knocked. She waited not breathing.

'Asleep, thank goodness.' She allowed herself a sigh of relief and was turning away when the door was thrown open. She blinked in surprise.

"I…I…thought you were asleep," she stuttered.

"Pretty nigh impossible when you're thumping on my door."

'Ugh oh – he's pissed.' And she wasn't referring to alcohol.

Refusing to be goaded into an argument, she dropped her eyes from his cold glare.

"I just wanted to check you were okay before I--."

"I'm fine!" His tone was sharp enough to slice through the air. "It warms my heart to know you care, Carter."

'Bastard!' He knew how to stick the knife in and twist it excruciatingly.

Her features twisted into a grotesque parody of a weak smile as she stepped away and heard his door close.

Slowly, painfully she climbed the steps to her room but with every step she felt her own anger bubbling up.

'Just what did he mean by 'It warms my heart to know you care?' Just what the hell did he mean by that?'

By the time she had reached her own bedroom door she was seething from the injustice of O'Neill's attitude. 'He is going to get a piece of my mind if it's the last thing I do!' And marching down the steps she had just climbed, she banged hard on Jack's door until it was yanked open.

"What the hell--."

"That is thumping on your door, Colonel!" she snapped indignantly. "I just thought you should know the difference." Her heart was beating so loudly Sam was sure he must be able to hear it.

Jack glowered dangerously. "Is there anything else, Carter?"

His tone could burn the hide off a steer.

Suddenly losing her momentum, Sam stepped back "No..." 'Bastard!' "Yes, yes, there is."

It was Jack's turn to blink.

"Did you think I would leave it this way?" Sam's voice was softly spoken but there was an edge of carefully controlled anger simmering beneath the quiet tone. "Did you really?" Eyes narrowed, voice beginning to harden, Sam stabbed at Jack with her hand, pushing him in the chest and before he could recover she shoved him hard again. Caught completely off guard, he actually stumbled backwards and she followed, skewering him with her burning glare.

"How dare you!" she cried, 'You conceited bastard!"

Hah, that had got his attention.

"You dare to question my feelings, you heartless son of a bitch. You've been so--."

Finally, finding his voice he attempted to interrupt. "If I want to--."

"Shut up, Colonel. You're going to listen whether you like it or not. 'I' didn't leave you behind at O'Reilly's, though you damned well deserved it, just like I didn't leave you on Edora."

Her eyes burned bright as she held his stony glare. "I learned my lesson well from you, maybe too well," she whispered vehemently. "But why Edora?" she demanded, her strength beginning to crack. Exhaling a shaky breath she stared at her former CO despondently. "Why did you have to choose that one out of all the planets?"

He turned away unable to look her in the eye as he growled back, "I had a job to do and I did it the only way I knew how – to the best of my ability."

"Is that so?" Sam demanded scathingly, grabbing his arm and pulling him round so that he saw her white face open in its despair. "And what the hell happened to not leaving your team behind?" she finished softly.

There, she had voiced the one question she knew would cut him to the core of his very existence.

Struggling to find an answer, his pale features whitened further as rage and pain brimmed in his eyes.

"I believed in you," she whispered fiercely, "like the sun rising every morning I believed in you and everything you stood for."

She couldn't have said anything more to hurt him and as he deliberately turned his head to avoid her accusatory glare, all the pain and anger, the fury and despair, rose up as a tidal wave to overpower her very senses. Her voice, ominously soft, she continued, "I'd never run from anything before, but what you did made me sick to my stomach."

"Carter," he growled her name warningly, the flush of rage burning across his exhausted features.

"Screw you, sir!" She spat it at him in venom, her body rejoicing at his reaction.

Fists clenched at his sides, he stood straight and tall, but as she spun on her heel his hard hand shot out jerking her back round and pulling her roughly against him.

Shock drained the last vestige of colour from her cheeks as she glared up at him impotently; her chin rose in defiance as she saw the look in his dark eyes.

Lines of bitterness were etched deeply round his mouth as accusation burned in her eyes.

As if her proximity was suddenly too much for him to bear, he thrust her away from him and she stumbled back almost losing her balance, having to reach out to the wall for support.

His voice low but determined, he pronounced each word slowly, precisely and with heavy irony in synchrony with his steps forward to meet her face to face. "I'm sorry your ethics have received a battering, Carter, but I've never held myself up to be a beacon of morality." And slapping the wall hard on the side of her head, he continued ruthlessly. "Stop acting like a prima donna adolescent and grow up!"

He heard the sharp intake of her breath at the same time as she hit him as hard as she knew. And as if time had slowed, she watched in horror as he raised one hand towards the white imprint of her palm which slowly started to fill with red across his cheek.

Devoid of all expression, he watched her with a dangerous calm.

"I...I...," she floundered, searching for words but unable to find any, so appalled was she by her own actions.

For a long moment he searched Sam's anguished features, stiffening when he saw tears of mortification threatening to spill down her cheeks while she blinked hurriedly to dispel them.

"I haven't even decided on a punishment, Carter, so can the tears," he whispered menacingly.

She dropped her gaze, avoiding his eyes and the smouldering anger she could see just barely held in check.

He fingered his jaw tentatively

"Got yourself quite a swing there, Carter – only thing is – payback's a bitch."

Bristling at his threat of retaliation she raised her chin belligerently, pride preventing her from running, yet as the seconds passed in an agony of silence, she could not withhold the slight tremor of apprehension which travelled through her.

But like a fickle wind inexplicably changing direction, the fight went out of the lean soldier – the burning fire in his eyes faded leaving a weak flame which was ready to expire. He physically wilted though Sam, head bowed low, missed the signs.

"For crying out loud – just get the hell out of here," he muttered.

He'd expected her to run like a rabbit now escape was being offered. Perplexed, he shook his head at her stillness.

Rubbing the heel of a palm across his aching forehead, his eyes were closed when she looked up, seeing again the Jack she knew of old, the one for whom she craved. Reaching out a tentative hand, she touched him lightly on the cheek where her hand had made brutal contact.

He started, so unexpected was this feather-like touch but her eyes stilled him and he returned her look searching for something he thought he could almost see.

He reached for her hesitantly almost ready for her rebuttal but his lips were warm and deliberate when they found hers, no hesitation now as his arms wrapped tightly around her.

Stepping into his embrace Sam moulded her body against Jack's drawing his head closer to hers as her lips parted allowing him access to her sweet breath, and as his own hands reached under her top and made contact with her skin she gasped with a compelling need that craved this man's touch. As her own hands made their own sensorial search of his tall, lean frame she felt herself melting into him, her own urgent desires demanding fulfilment in the age long union of bodies entwined.

She had no recollection of Jack slamming the door shut, of being carried to his bed or of being divest of her clothing. Her sole being centred on making love to a man for whom she had had deep feelings for almost four years, deep feelings she had refused to allow any form of realization. But now the flood gates had opened and nothing could withstand the force of their demands. She pulled him deep within her, arching her body to meet his thrusts, their bodies dancing to a timeless rhythm which eventually left them sated and exhausted in each other's arms.

He slept, possibly the result of all the alcohol consumed but more likely from the sweet relaxation, allowing Sam the pure pleasure of being able to observe him openly, admiringly, lovingly.

With the softest of touches she ran her hand down his face, onto his shoulder and across his chest. He murmured in his sleep but her frown relaxed when she heard her name and saw the smile on his lips.

She grinned impishly, wondering if his dream was as good as the real thing. Then relishing the feel of his naked body so close to hers beneath the cotton sheets, she allowed herself to relax and eventually her soft, even breathing joined Jack's.

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Go to Part 6

N.B Please be warned that the opening paragraph of Part 6 is rated M but then returns to T rating for the remaining Parts 7 to 9.


	6. Chapter 6

17

N.B. Please be warned that the opening paragraph of Part 6 is rated M for lovemaking. The remaining parts are all rated T.

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Starting Over Part 6

Her awakening was like no other as the pleasurable sensation of arousal touched her breasts, each nipple hardening from something she was yet only dimly aware.

She stretched like a feline and came fully awake to the feel of Jack's tongue tantalizing her. She purred with delight feeling the aching need grow deeper and stronger. Reaching out to pull him closer, she felt his resistance and moaned her displeasure.

"We didn't have much choice our first time, Carter. Now we can take it a little more slowly," he whispered and began to shower her body with such tender kisses that her need for him, far from coming under control, soared high with abandonment and her soul cried out in love as Jack brought her to a haunting climax of conjoined bodies worshipping each other in reverent love.

Later, a tremor crossed her body and protectively Jack drew her closer within the folds of his arms.

"Cold?"

She shook her head, unable to speak for the moment as a wave of anguish passed through her. His words, spoken only a moment ago, so filled with a hope for the future, cut her to the quick.

'We've got all the time in the world.'

But their world, as this, was mere hours and minutes long, though he did not know it and she would not, could not deny him or herself their moment, this moment. Too long she had lived with denial, and knew she would do so again, but these hours were hers for the taking and she had no intention of losing them.

"Sleep now," he advised softly, placing his lips against her neck, nuzzling her affectionately. "You'll need your energy for what I've got planned for you tomorrow."

Her heart ached at his words as once more she felt tears brim over and trail silently down her cheeks. Brushing them surreptitiously away in the darkness she drew even closer to her lover's side breathing in the scent of him and laying it down to memory for those long, lonely winter nights of her future.

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Long before the sun's early morning rays had cast their faint glow over the horizon, Sam crept from her lover's bed, wrapping herself in one of Jack's sweatshirts he had thrown carelessly over the end of the bed. Staring down at his sleeping form so peaceful in repose, she could not help but reach out, brushing the hair from his forehead with her fingers, resting her hand against his cheek. For long moments she stayed there unable to break the connection yet knowing the inevitability of it.

With a painful sigh which almost became a sob she turned away, leaving his room, not daring to look back.

As she moved to the foot of the stairs she was aware of Teal'c descending, but no colour came to her pale features for she had no shame at being seen coming from Jack's room, and she looked squarely into the Jaffa's sympathetic brown eyes.

"I will prepare you breakfast, Dr. Carter."

She smiled wanly.

"Thanks, Teal'c, but I don't think I could manage anything."

"You will not leave without coffee at least," And seeing the pain in her eyes he reached out compassionately. "Go and shower and I will prepare your beverage."

------------------------------

Teal'c shaded his eyes against the low sun, watching Sam's vehicle until it disappeared from his sight. Her words, spoken in anguish, repeated in his mind as he gave a slight shake of his head.

'Look after him, Teal'c. Don't let him do anything stupid."

How perplexing were these Tauri he thought to himself, turning back to the cabin and waiting quietly for the sparks to fly, for he knew with great assurance that when they did it would not be pleasant.

------------------------------

(Four weeks later)

"How does it feel to be back on active duty, Jack?" Daniel was grinning as he punched in the keys to descend in the elevator yet he was watching his friend carefully.

"'Bout time, don't you think?" the older man threw back, fully aware of the scrutiny of the archaeologist.

Exiting the elevator they walked to General Hammond's office, moving purposely down the narrow, underground corridors of Cheyenne Mountain.

"Any idea who the replacement's going to be?"

Jack scowled. "Nope, but the general seems to think we'll have no problems with his choice."

Daniel's eyebrows almost touched his hairline as he spluttered, "We?" incredulously.

Jack's scowl deepened further.

"I don't recall having problems with any of those put forward as replacements."

"Yeah, well…….whatever, Daniel."

Jack's speech, short and clipped, indicated his irritability and Daniel was well aware his friend was not looking forward to the next few minutes of being introduced to the new member of SG-1. This was make or break – no more choices. General Hammond had been explicit on that.

As Daniel followed the colonel into the office he just hoped that--.

"What the --?"

He had practically careened into the back of Jack who, for some unfathomable reason, had come to a grinding halt.

Grabbing his glasses, which were perched precariously on the tip of his nose, Daniel blinked stepping round the colonel, throwing him an annoyed glance until he realized Jack was riveted to the spot, his face devoid of any colour as his eyes blazed past the general to whoever was sitting at ease but so far blocked from Daniel's view.

"Jack?" Daniel was beginning to worry until he heard the voice and at once his body, of its own volition, was moving forward, past Jack, past the general.

Thank goodness he wasn't in the military to worry about all that nonsense of protocol. Eyes shining with unmitigated joy, he swept the now risen member of SG-1 into his arms, crushing her to him.

General Hammond, who had watched the scenario with a smile playing on his lips, gave a polite cough and the two parted reluctantly, both aware of Jack's flat, cold eyes on them.

"Well, Colonel, I did say you'd find the replacement came with the highest qualifications and would fit in perfectly...Don't you agree?"

Jack never took his eyes off the person in question as he inclined his head directing a look which, he was pleased to see, was having the desired effect.

"What can I say, General?"

Sensing something in the air, Hammond frowned, a slight furrow to his brow showed he was aware of something he couldn't quite pin down, though the reception from Daniel had been everything he'd expected and more.

And suddenly Teal'c was in the room and the usual enigmatic expression was suffused with a warm glow of pleasure. Approaching the newcomer, he grasped the outstretched hands, shaking them between both of his.

"Words cannot express my feelings, Major Carter."

"Nor mine," intoned Jack, the dryness of his speech making the colour rise even deeper in Sam's cheeks.

"You were sadly missed, Major Carter," Teal'c expressed solemnly and inclining his head he gave Jack a meaningful look which the leader of SG-1 promptly ignored by turning to the general.

"Your 'surprise' certainly stopped me in my tracks, sir."

Daniel's eyes were dancing like fairy lights, his excitement refusing to be contained.

"I knew you couldn't stay away, Sam."

Jack glared hard. "Really? And so why did you grouch so much every time I turned down one of those 'brilliant' replacements the general kept sending us?"

Refusing to be intimidated by Jack's ill humour, Daniel merely grinned, pushing his glasses back up his nose.

"I knew they were just temporary, Jack. I knew Sam would be back eventually."

"Right," Jack snapped without conviction

"Right," echoed Daniel in a much lighter mood.

"How are you, Colonel?"

The silence went on for an eternity as far as Sam was concerned as she waited for an answer to her question.

"Peachy, Major, just peachy." His tone was flat and devoid of any warmth and Sam had to make a concerted effort not to shiver.

Turning to the general, Jack chose to ignore her for the remainder of the time he had to remain in the room. He was grateful for the opportunity to escape as Daniel started to put forward a plan for a 'welcome home' party and deliberately chose to ignore Daniel's question as to whether the date and time would suit him as he hurriedly exited the room at a brisk march, following in General Hammond's footsteps.

--------------------------

The following two missions were an exercise in getting back into SG-1 swing mode and all went well, other than the fact that Jack kept every contact with his 2IC to the bare minimum and just within the norms of the regulations; he allowed no opportunity for them to be alone together.

Daniel had scowled moodily at Jack when he realized what was happening and saw the tight pinched look which Sam seemed to wear since comprehending what her CO's attitude was going to be, but SG-1's leader paid no attention.

Reappearing through the wormhole after their latest mission off-world, General Hammond surveyed his premier team with a critical eye whilst offering his usual welcome home.

It did not pass his notice that Jack seemed to appear well behind the remainder of the team, nor how Daniel hovered protectively close to the major who, if he was not mistaken, appeared to be losing weight.

All was not well with his premier team, of this he was sure, but as it was not affecting the outcome of their work, he was hesitant to broach the subject at this moment in time.

He was no fool and understood the tension which existed between the colonel and the major and, at times like this, he just wished he could sweep the damned regulations aside and tell them to get on with their lives. That, however, he was not at liberty to do though, if circumstances were to arise, he would not, he believed, be averse to turning a blind eye. He needed to tread carefully on this.

Following the debriefing, General Hammond requested Jack remain behind and, once the others had left, Hammond turned eagle-blue eyes on his 2IC who continued to play with his pen seemingly oblivious to the scrutiny he was under.

"I noticed Major Carter looking a little under the weather. Is everything okay, Jack?"

The colonel's hands stilled for a second then just as suddenly resumed their frenetic movements.

"As well as can be expected, General."

Hammond was not about to let that cryptic comment pass.

"Meaning?"

Jack's eyebrows rose dramatically as he continued in that dry voice Hammond had grown so accustomed to, "Meaning, there are a few creases need ironing out and we're in the process of doing that."

Jack's eyes shot up to clash with the leader of the SGC.

"I expect my flagship team to be operating to the best of its ability, but that also means..." And here Hammond paused for effect, "that SG-1 is cohesive, the members are a team. Can you assure me you're a team, Jack?"

Feeling his temper rising, the grey-haired colonel pushed himself to his feet.

"When I ever get the feeling SG-1 isn't a team, I'll be the first to let you know, General."

Jack's eyes burned with an anger which he made no attempt to hide.

"Permission to be excused, Sir."

"Denied, Colonel. Now sit down. I haven't finished." Although the general's voice was evenly tempered, Jack knew when he'd been given an order.

Moodily he retook his seat, glaring down at the table.

"Dr. Jackson's welcoming party for Major Carter."

Hammond saw Jack's mouth tighten at the same time as his dark-brown eyes rolled upwards.

Well used to his 2IC's ways he sat back quietly, observing the colonel calmly. "As a member, a leading member of the team, I can expect you to be there, isn't that--?"

'As a matter of fact, sir, I already have a prior engagement which is pretty---."

"Cancel it." There was no mistaking the general's tone now.

"Sir?" he protested, sitting up straighter, "I was under the impression that down time was my own time..., sir." His tone was borderline respectable and they both knew it.

"Sorry, Colonel." Hammond chose to ignore Jack's tone. "This time you're on duty. I've been called to Washington unexpectedly; therefore you're going to have to stand in for me."

"But sir, Daniel's party's an informal occasion. It's nothing to do with---."

"It's got everything to do with supporting your colleagues, Jack. I didn't think I'd need to remind you of that," he admonished coolly.

Hammond sound disappointed, which made Jack all the grimmer.

"Very well, sir," he muttered sullenly, resigned to his fate. "Is that all?"

'That's all, Colonel."

Watching him leave, his back stiff with resentment, General Hammond shook his head wondering what his 2IC would do when he found out the trip to D.C. was an out and out lie. The hint of a smile touched his lips. Being a general did have some benefits.

--------------------------

It was becoming noticeable and the more he stalled the worse it was going to get.

He'd parked his truck in what he'd considered a respectable enough distance from Daniel's but as the time progressed and more and more people arrived, his own parking spot became part of the throng of vehicles coming to the party and people, SGC people, began to notice he was still sitting in his truck.

He ignored them for as long as he dare, but realized he was drawing attention to himself – better to get in, show himself and get out. The obligatory show.

He could manage that – nothing to it.

When Daniel answered the doorbell, his eyebrows rose high in obvious surprise. No – make that shock.

"Jack?"

"Daniel?"

"I kind of got the impression you wouldn't be making an appearance."

"Not the only one…Appears the general had other ideas."

Jack stepped past the archaeologist, his eyes scanning the large open plan room, its walls covered in artefacts Daniel had collected from around the world prior to his joining the SGC. His gaze zoomed in to its quarry and for a second his breath caught in his throat as his eyes hungrily devoured the one he sought.

She was stunning and he could barely bring himself to move forward as her eyes met his, an indefinable shadow extinguishing the bright light that had been there a moment before.

'Follow protocol, damnit,' he ordered himself. 'Just keep going, move forward, say hello and smile. That's not too hard.'

Her eyes, which had held his with silent intensity suddenly flickered and were drawn elsewhere.

'Crap! Crap! Crap!'

Jack felt the blood leach from his face as his eyes alighted on Jacob Carter who was watching his daughter with deep concern.

She was dressed in jeans and a simple blue silk blouse which seemed to reflect the colour of her eyes.

Slowly, Jack became aware he too was under scrutiny and struggled not to squirm as the older Carter's gaze pierced him.

He was before her now and her eyes had returned to his though they looked uncomfortable and kept skipping away and returning as if unable to bear too long a contact.

"Carter."

There! He'd spoken, he'd done his bit, the ball was now in her court.

"I'm glad you could make it, sir."

'Liar!' His eyes flashed and, as if in total understanding, her own widened in alarm.

"I guess I'll go circulate for a while," he muttered and turned straight into the invisible clutches of Sam's father.

"Jack…What have you been up to?"

He winced. He couldn't help it. Had Carter told her father? For a horrifying moment Jack was certain he could feel hands at his throat squeezing the life out of him.

'Get a grip for God's sake. Acting like an adolescent facing an overstressed father out to protect his daughter's virginity.'

"This and that."

Jack's eyes were guarded, too guarded thought Jacob instantly on alert.

'You must relax,' intoned Selmac deep within.

'How the hell do I do that when he's the reason Sam's so unhappy?'

'You do not know that.'

'The hell I do!'

Moving from his inner silent discourse, Jacob perused Jack's features.

"So, happy to have SG-1 back to its original contingent, Jack?"

A pause, slight but definitely noticeable.

"Why wouldn't I be?"

Jack had grabbed a beer and was busy removing the screw top so that he didn't have to look into Jacob/Selmac's face and endure their scrutiny. He took a deep swig of his drink and looked out over the throng who all appeared to be having a wonderful time.

There was Carter laughing at something Sgt. Siler had said, her head turned to one side, her blue eyes sparkling in obvious amusement.

"You tell me, Jack," and now there was a definite hardening of Jacob's tone.

Slowly Jack turned to face the older man, his eyes darkening. "Whatever it is you want to say, Jacob, just spit it out!"

'Stay calm, Jacob,' advised Selmac calmly.

'Easier said than done when I want to drag the son of a bitch out on the stoop by the scruff of his neck and beat the shit out of him!'

Slowly, Jacob's eyes glowed as Selmac came to the fore.

"You must excuse Jacob, O'Neill, he is simply being the protective father."

"Yea, well if I'm not mistaken, the last time I checked, Carter could look after herself."

Jacob, unable to remain in the background and unwilling to have Selmac oil the ground for him, pushed himself forward.

"Not where you're concerned, and if I find out that you've--."

"Dad?"

Only his daughter had the ability to stop him in his tracks and the urgent question combined with wide, blue eyes in a worried face had him snapping the angry tirade off in full flow.

"What's going on here?" she demanded. Her voice, though soft, had an iron determination behind it as she surveyed the two protagonists.

'You should have listened to me,' stated Selmac smugly.

'Shut up!'

"I was just having a friendly conversation with Jack."

Sam looked downright dubious.

"It didn't look 'friendly' from where I was standing."

She eyed them both critically suddenly enjoying the power she held as they stood before her like two errant schoolboys caught for a misdemeanour and brought before the headmistress for punishment.

She stepped closer to Jacob and glared.

"Whatever it is you're doing, Dad, don't!"

Jacob had the grace to drop his head and Jack couldn't help but feel pleased with himself.

"And as for you..."

His smugness evaporated as his eyes fixed on a spot just past her shoulder.

The urge to give him a good shaking was irresistible and Sam's fingers twitched in anticipation, but almost as quickly as the anger had erupted it was replaced with weary resignation.

"Why do I bother?" she muttered more to herself than for Jack, and she pushed past him a little more aggressively than was called for.

Jacob glared hard and followed on her heels.

'Well, that went well,' Jack thought cuttingly, downing the last of the beer as he watched some couples dancing to what the colonel though was loud, aggressive sounding music which made him grimace.

He could still see Carter giving Jacob what looked like a dressing down to go down in history.

'Okay by me, Carter – give it all you've got.'

But as if sensing his silent encouragement her head snapped round and her lips tightened ominously as her eyes pierced him.

Just at that moment the music changed and words Jack had never heard before beat an insistent path to his weary brain causing his heart to beat painfully as his own dark eyes bored into hers.

_Still feels like our first night together_

_Feels like the first kiss_

_It's getting better baby_

_No one can better this_

_I'm still holding on – you're still the one_

_The first time our eyes met_

_It's the same feeling I get_

_Only feels much stronger_

_Want to love you longer_

_You still turn the fire on …._

_So if you're feeling lonely – don't_

_You're the only one I'd ever want_

_I only want to make it good_

_So if I love you a little more than I should…_

She couldn't look away even if she'd wanted, held by some invisible force that kept her locked by his captive gaze whilst the words of a husky voiced singer pierced the armour that Jack had caused to be erected.

Dimly aware someone was talking to him, Jack waved a hand in acknowledgement whilst eliminating the space which separated him from Carter.

_Please forgive me – I know not what I do_

_Please forgive me, I can't stop loving you_

_Don't deny me this pain I'm going through_

_Please forgive me if I need you like I do_

_Please believe me every word I say is true_

_Please forgive me, I can't stop loving you._

He stood before her, oblivious of Jacob's presence, acutely aware of Sam's body before him. His eyes spoke silent words and without hesitation she stepped into his arms and began to move to the sensual rhythm of the music.

_Feels like the first touch_

_Still feels like our best times are together_

_We're still getting closer_

_I'm still holding on – you're still No. 1_

_I remember the smell of your skin_

_I remember everything_

_I remember all your moves – I remember you_

_I remember the nights, you know I still do_

_So if you're feeling lonely, don't_

_You're the only one I'd ever want_

_I only want to make it good_

_So if I love you a little more than I should…_

Her arms went around his shoulders as his own went to her waist, pulling her in close, a tug and closer still, their bodies melded together as if they were one.

Her face had managed to achieve an impassivity Jack longed to attain though her beating heart gave her away.

"Nice music, Sir," she whispered flippantly.

He winced. She knew how to kick a man when he was down. Mind you, she'd been taught by the best he acknowledged.

He tightened his hold just a little more, the urgency of his touch warning her to tread very carefully.

She fell silent listening again to the words of the song, unable to completely disguise the sigh which escaped her lips, and by the time the music ended she was unashamedly caught up in the passion of the moment.

As the last notes died away his lips moved softly against her pale cheek.

"Welcome back, Carter."

And before she could blink or formulate some coherent thought out of her chaotic mind he'd gone, the scent of his skin still tantalizingly close to her, reminding her of a night not so long ago…

As she moved to Janet's side, she screwed her eyes tightly shut, well aware of the look her medical friend was giving her.

"I thought you said he was barely speaking to you," admonished the petite doctor, her eyes wide in wonder. "Well, with that body language, who needs words?"

-------------------------

He scowled deeply, swearing under his breath at the intrusive sound, glancing irritably at his watch as he moved away from his telescope. He peered over the edge of the railings wondering if Daniel had come to give him some earache. He really was going to have to get Teal'c to give him some lessons on containing inner turmoil and keeping it there. If he'd come to give Jack more grief about Sam he would really send him away with a flea in his---Whoa!

In the light cast by his security lamps he caught the unmistakable blonde hair and the blue of a silk top.

The doorbell went again, more insistently.

Crap. He wasn't in the mood to face her right now – the beer bottles lined up on the floor were testimony to how quick his brain would be in dealing with Major Samantha Carter. Or not!

Running a hand through his tousled hair, he grimaced as if in pain. This whole evening seemed to be progressing from bad to worse and there was no way it could get any better.

More bell ringing.

When was she going to get tired of that?

"Colonel! Colonel, I know you're in, so please open up because I'm just staying here until --."

"Pipe down, Carter! You'll wake the whole damned neighbourhood, for crying out loud!"

Stepping back, she looked up to see the silhouette of her CO against the night sky.

"Sir, we need to talk." She was speaking in her loudest whisper.

"Not in the mood, Major. Go away."

"Negative, Sir."

'Fine, just damn fine.' "So freeze your ass on my doorstep," he hissed, "your choice."

"Not prepared to do that either, Colonel."

Uh oh. He didn't like the sound of this. If Daniel had dared--!

"I've got a key. I'm coming in."

"Negative on that, Carter…..I said neg--."

He heard the door being unlocked and promised himself he would personally do Daniel some serious injury for giving Carter his house key.

It took her a few minutes to make it to the ladder and then he heard her climbing.

He'd turned his back. Leaning against the rail, arms crossed in front of him and didn't move when he sensed her behind him.

"Whatever it is you want to say – say it and go. And don't forget to leave my key," he growled coldly.

He heard her snort.

"No surprises with you, sir. Cut to the quick and to hell with the rest."

"L.T.S., Carter."

"Sir?"

"Life's too short."

His face was impassive, giving nothing away as he turned to face his 2IC who was watching him with a quiet intensity.

"Party go okay?"

"A couple of hiccups – other than that – great."

Jack blinked – he'd never been described as a hiccup before – he didn't expect Jacob had either.

"So?" He suddenly noticed the sweatshirt she'd thrown over her shoulders and scowled more than ever.

"I wondered where that had got to," he accused softly, but Sam made no move to take it off and as memories of that particular night returned afresh, Jack felt his face burn and was grateful for the darkness.

"We've got to get past this, Colonel." Sam's words cut through the silence which had fallen.

"Excuse me?" His tone was deliberately scathing.

"This animosity – it's affecting the team. Our relationship--."

"Relationship?" Jack cut in icily. "And what relationship would you be alluding to, Carter?"

It was Sam's turn to feel a deep blush wash over her face and throat and her large eyes narrowed in consternation.

"With respect, Sir, I believe personal feelings may have entered into the equation."

Pinning her with flattened, black eyes, he spat viciously, "Don't flatter yourself. I screwed you, end of story."

She didn't move for what seemed to Jack an eternity, and in the end he couldn't face the reproach he saw in her eyes. Turning his back on her, he took up a position at the telescope.

"You'll see yourself out."

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She knew she was gripping the steering wheel too tightly, but it gave her a grim satisfaction to think it was her CO's neck she had a death grip on.

'No, too easy – he deserves something slow and --.'

She shook her head appalled at the way her mind was working. 'Concentrate on driving, damnit!' Reaching over, she switched on the radio for some welcome diversion to her gory thoughts and it was only when she was pulling into her driveway that the plaintive and haunting lyrics of a woman's clear voice rang out mesmerizing her with the words which Sam believed, had been written just for her. She had listened to this song so often when she'd believed Jack had been lost to her for good after he'd been allowed to 'retire' to Edora. As she sat in the vehicle outside her home she knew she should just switch the music off – it was only a song for God's sake. What on earth was wrong with her? Switching off the engine, she could feel the tears silently slipping down her cheeks, yet still she couldn't stop the music and leaning her head against the steering wheel she gave in to all the concealed misery she had kept so securely bottled up these last months.

_I'm so tired of being here_

_Suppressed by all my childish fears_

_And if you have to leave_

_I wish that you would just leave_

_'cause your presence still lingers here_

_And it won't leave me alone_

_These wounds won't seem to heal_

_This pain is just too real_

_There's just too much that time cannot erase_

_When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears_

_When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears_

_I held your hand through all of these years_

_But you still have_

_All of me._

_You used to captivate me_

_By your resonating life_

_Now I'm bound by the life you left behind_

_Your face it haunts_

_My once pleasant dreams_

_Your voice it chased away_

_All the sanity in me._

_These wounds won't seem to heal_

_This pain is just too real_

_There's just too much that time cannot erase._

_When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears_

_When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears_

_I held your hand through all of these years_

_But you still have all of me._

_I've tried so hard to tell myself that you're gone_

_But though you're still with me_

_I've been alone all along._

As the words echoed round the interior of her car, she opened herself to their meaning and allowed her grief an outpouring long denied.

-----------------------

N.B Songs by Bryan Adams and Evanescence.

Go to Part 7


	7. Chapter 7

13

Starting Over Part 7

"Colonel O'Neill. My office!"

Daniel's head shot up from tying his shoelaces and he peered at Jack over his glasses. He decided he shouldn't have bothered. There was zero reaction from the head of SG-1 even though everyone in earshot could tell the general was not a happy man.

"Sir, we're just about to gate out."

Hammond's eyes pierced him with a chilling severity. "This won't take long." And then he spun on his heel leaving the gateroom.

Sam hadn't so much as looked at her CO since she'd entered to go off-world and as Daniel's eyes flickered over her tightly controlled expression, he thought he saw a glimpse of the pain she was in before the shutters came down and the neutral mask was in place.

Pretending a nonchalance that was not there, Jack quipped, "Don't go without me, kids," and exited to follow in the general's footsteps.

"Close the door, Colonel."

'Uh oh. Not looking good.' No invitation to sit or relax. Jack wondered whether or not the general had heard about the dance. Maybe he'd--.

"What the hell is going on, Colonel? I've had Major Carter in here asking to be reassigned."

'Shit!' Jack blinked rapidly. Then his eyes closed down before Hammond could see what was revealed in their dark depths, keeping his sight on an object just past his superior's shoulder.

"Do you have any comment to make, Colonel?" The general's tone was bitingly cold and formal.

His own voice flat, Jack replied, "It's Major Carter's choice, Sir."

"And you'd go ahead with that choice, would you?"

For an instant Jack's eyes flashed their volcanic anger. 'Not till hell freezes over!'

He clenched his jaw tightly, keeping a firm hold on his emotions.

"I'm waiting for an answer, mister!"

'Crap. He's well and truly pissed.' It had been a long, long time since Jack had seen his CO so furious with him - not since he'd been brought back under armed guard to explain his first trip to Abydos, the discrepancies in his report and what had actually happened there. He'd been thrown in the brig on that occasion he recalled wryly.

Jack loathed being pushed into a corner and when he was in defence mode he fought dirty. He tried, in all honesty, to escape without the need to resort to underhand tactics and looked pointedly at his watch.

"The mission won't fall to pieces if you're ten minutes late, Colonel."

Jack struggled to remain cool under the sharp reprimand but it was a losing battle.

"With respect, Sir, I know Major Carter's your goddaughter and I -----"

"Colonel O'Neill!" Hammond shot out of his chair practically jumping the table to stand trembling, mere inches from Jack's face, but as if oblivious to the general's indignation, he ploughed on. "I feel, sir, maybe I should be the one to leave."

Hammond's usually jovial features were twisted into a mask of outrage and Jack had to steel himself not to fall back from the invisible assault.

"You have overstepped your mark, Colonel, and your disrespect will not go unpunished! On completion of your tour of duty you will report back to me immediately in full dress uniform." Hammond glared hard hoping to see some form of penance in his 2IC's face. There was nothing. "Dismissed!"

The roar of the SGC leader's voice had been heard through the closed door by a number of people and heads turned as the colonel left his office. Eyes blazing straight ahead, personnel literally jumped to get out of Jack's way as he marched back to the gateroom.

As the general watched SG-1 regroup and await the signal to depart, he worked to bring his frayed temper back to a normal level. He was annoyed with himself for allowing Jack to drive him to this imbalance. He knew his 2IC well enough by now to expect the unexpected. Still, he believed O'Neill had gone too far, much too far and after some quiet reflection he would choose something appropriately punitive so that his hot-headed second would think twice before allowing his angry feelings free rein with his own CO.

When Jack had made the comment about Hammond being Sam's godfather, thereby implying she received preferential treatment, George had been so incensed he had wanted to thwack his insolent and insubordinate second round the head. Hard round the head. How on earth he had survived boot camp was still a complete mystery to the general – it didn't bear thinking about and yet, at this moment, he would have exchanged all his privileges of rank to have been a foul-mouthed, overbearing, heavy handed drill sergeant with O'Neill at his complete mercy. He was practically drooling at the images of misery he would put his 2IC through.

And that might possibly have been the reason why, a few minutes later, glancing up at the window for permission to go through the event horizon, Jack suddenly paled as if reading his CO's violently charged mind. Pulling himself back to the present with difficulty, General Hammond glared down at Jack.

"You have a go SG-1."

--------------------------

"Carter, you're with me. Daniel – with Teal'c."

Sam just managed to stifle the groan of disappointment which raced through her body but there was no hiding the way her shoulders slumped.

'What joy!' she thought, gritting her teeth as she hoisted the backpack up in an attempt to find a more comfortable position for it on her back.

Daniel, attempting to rectify what he knew would be torture for Sam, bravely pushed his glasses up his nose and spoke. "Er….. Jack, maybe it would be better if--."

"Decision's made, Daniel,' Jack snapped sharply. "Let's move out." Glancing at his watch. "Radio contact every hour on the hour. Regroup at eighteen hundred hours back here."

----------------------------

He watched her, not caring whether she knew it or not. She appeared to be immersed in her work, collecting samples and carrying out a few tests with the little doohickey she carried with her. He played with the buckle strap on his P90; trying hard not to think about the metaphorical thrashing his hide had just received from General Hammond. He grimaced at the thought of having to wear his full dress uniform.

Crap. It was the pits.

His scowl deepened as his gaze strayed from his weapon returning to Carter.

"When did you plan on telling me?" His voice shattered the crystal silence and though her back was to him, Sam froze over her work.

He could imagine her pained expression behind the dark sunglasses, picture her lips moving in a silent curse though no sound carried to his ears.

"Say again, Carter."

He saw her stiffen. Bingo! 'Naughty, naughty, Carter. Don't you know it's not nice to curse your CO?'

"Sir, I'm just going over a formula in my head."

"What? The one that goes, 'I can't hack it with SG-1 – give me something easier.'?"

She rose, turning to face him and he watched while her knuckles turned white as she held a canister into which she had been spooning soil.

Suddenly, Jack felt relieved she wasn't holding her weapon. In fact he was pretty damned glad she was a good few yards away.

"Permission to speak freely, sir?"

Ugh oh. Now what? Did he really want to hear this? Probably not.

In his best cynical style. "Feel free, Carter."

"Right." She moved from foot to foot, squaring off, the peak of her cap hiding most of her features from him, whilst he unconsciously braced himself.

"If you must know, Colonel, I'm tired of the crap I keep getting from you day in, day out. I thought I could handle your tantrums and sulk modes but you have excelled in the special class of putting Sam Carter down – you've passed with double distinction, sir. You must feel awfully proud!"

Shit! She was one very pissed Major. Well, that was fine by Jack – that made two very pissed Air Force officers.

He pushed himself off the rock where he'd been resting his weary legs as she continued.

"I was wrong to be angry with you when you went undercover - I was wrong to leave the SGC." Her eyes flashed blue fire. " You were wrong to leave us out of the loop. You were wrong when you said you'd screwed me."

Though obscured by her shades, he could feel her eyes burning into him as she stabbed the air with her finger on each 'you'.

Sensing his attention wavering at this most critical point she cursed silently and moved deliberately towards him, lips set in a thin line of firm resolve to yank his mind back to her with any means at her disposal, even if it meant--.

Her confusion soared as she realized he was charging her full bodied, eyes wide with anger, fury – No – fear! His weapon was coming up as he screamed her name, and for one illogical moment, before his body slammed hard into hers, she thought he'd lost it. And as the breath was knocked from her lungs and she hit the ground rolling, she furiously decided her level three hand-to-hand was going to be put to good use in kicking ass – specifically one ornery, bad-tempered colonel's.

Working to get air back into painfully deflated lungs, Sam pushed herself up, ready to give out hell when the sound of muffled groaning drew her shocked gaze to where Jack lay on the ground feebly trying to push off some sort of enormous, fur-covered creature which had wrapped itself across his chest.

"Colonel!" She scrambled to his side, dropping down, noting how the blood had drained from his waxen face leaving his dark eyes burning feverishly.

"Get. It. Off. Me!" he cried weakly through gritted teeth.

In death, its teeth were bared, huge vicious canines, foul smelling, making Sam's stomach churn uneasily.

"What…..what happened? I didn't even…." She pushed and as the beast's body rolled, she saw a knife, Jack's knife, buried deep to the hilt in its side.

Oh God – so much blood.

As she worked frantically to open his flak jacket, Jack struggled to push himself up, hissing as the pain took a firm hold, but Sam flattened him against the ground with one hand.

"Stay still, Colonel. Let me check you over." Her voice almost cracked with emotion as she managed to open his ripped jacket, wincing at the slashed black t-shirt beneath.

Her eyes sought his trying to reassure, trying not to cringe when she saw the deep, raking claw marks down his chest, stomach and lower. She worked to unbuckle his pants' belt.

"What you doin', Carter?"

"I need to--."

A bloodied hand stopped her pulling down the zip.

"I'm fine."

"Sir, I need to--."

"I said I'm fine."

Sam sat back on her heels, hardly believing what she was hearing.

'A little late for modesty, I'd say,' she growled to herself. Then snorting in exasperation, she yanked the medkit out of her pack, snapping open sterile wipes and proceeded in none too gentle fashion to cleanse the wounds.

Ignoring his indrawn breath and the clenched hands at his side, she cleaned the ugly lacerations as far as his pants, dimly aware that Jack had started a quiet string of colourful swearing. When she tore open the sterilizing powder, he faltered, paling even further. He knew what to expect. Sam hesitated.

"Sorry, sir."

Grim faced. "Get on with it!"

He braced himself but still his body bucked as the biting medication seeped into the open wounds. Throwing an arm over his eyes, he moaned softly, achingly into the rough material of his jacket but as Sam began to explore his body with gentle but firm hands, he knew the worst was not over.

He gasped in anguish as her palms pressed down finding a depression where none should have been.

He bore it all a little longer but finally gave into his needs.

"Have you finished?" The urgency in his voice held Sam still for a moment and her own achingly nervous, distraught eyes met his own.

"I need to finish checking for other injuries, sir."

"Enough," he growled. "Help me up."

"Negative, sir!" she shot back placing her two hands on his shoulders. "I need to finish dressing these and hopefully that will stop the bleeding."

She had extracted a syringe from the kit and was reaching for the vial to administer a strong pain killer, but Jack's hand reached out pushing it determinedly away.

"Not yet," he wheezed, "need my wits if we meet anymore of his pals…… Advil's okay."

Sam's eyes widened in protest but just at that moment Jack's radio burst into life.

"All done and dusted here." Daniel's cheerful voice sounded loud, startling them both. "We're heading back to the gate, E.T.A. just under an hour."

Jack toggled his own radio. "Roger that, Daniel…Er, you need to keep a keen eye out for some unpleasant wild cats – bit like a cougar, only hairier and bigger. Not friendly."

Sam didn't attempt to hide her distress as Jack made no effort to avail the others of the change in their circumstances.

"Sir, I think you need to---"

Cutting her off with a sharp wave of his hand, Jack continued speaking into the radio. "Daniel, we may … be delayed – a small hiccup." He threw Sam a bitter sweet smile even through all the pain. "Go through the gate once you get there ...oh, and have Doc standing by."

Silence eventually broken by Daniel's hesitant voice, "Jack?"

Unable to bear the frustration any further, Sam cut in on her own radio.

"Daniel, the colonel's down. I'm proceeding to dress his wounds now. We may have problems getting to the gate."

"Not going to happen."

Sam's eyebrows rose higher than ever, clearly unhappy with her CO.

"O'Neill," Teal'c's low voice came over the airwaves. "Would it not be more prudent for Daniel Jackson and me to make our way to intercept you and Major Carter and in so doing we may be able to offer assistance?"

Jack grimaced, shaking his head. "Negative on that. It'll practically double your journey. The original plan stays."

"Colonel!" 'Damnit, you're bleeding to death in front of my eyes!'

Jack snapped off the radio connection and glared in his best 'Don't mess with me' look at his 2IC, then as Sam's eyes pierced him in vehement disagreement he returned to the radio. "Carter will get me back."

Daniel replied, querying this in his own manner much to Jack's irritation. "Sam? You okay with this?"

Her eyes snapped a very definite negative but she did not verbalise it, her stare boring into Jack. If this is a test, she decided, she'd damned well show him!

"Yes, Daniel…Just have Janet waiting with her biggest needles. Over."

There! Two could play these games. And putting on a blandly innocent face, she finished dressing the wounds, pretending to be oblivious to Jack's grim expression which she knew full well had nothing to do with his wounds.

"Was that really necessary?" His voice was so roughened it came out a growl.

Again, faking ignorance, she concentrated on packing away the medkit.

"I don't want you to bleed to death, Colonel." She congratulated herself on her tone but stared wide-eyed as he shot her a venomous glare. He knew her too well to be taken in by her innocent act.

"Pay back can be a real bitch, Major," he warned.

"And you're going to find out exactly how much…Sir." The last word was thrown in as insolently as she dare.

Oh yes, she dare.

If Jack had had the strength, he was sure he'd have shaken her until her teeth rattled and all her insubordination had shaken its way out of her. As it was, he struggled to his knees and then with grim determination made it to his feet, swaying alarmingly until his blurred vision cleared and the roiling in his gut calmed. He'd be damned if he'd give her the luxury of seeing him complain.

"So what is this, Colonel – team building?" He ignored her. "Taking it to the extreme, wouldn't you say?"

But he had no energy for words, everything he had left was for moving, one painful step in front of the other.

-------------

She knew he was working on automatic pilot – one foot forward, repeat with the other, repeat again. His face, devoid of any colour, was set – a closed expression she was only too familiar with after all these years.

He stumbled and she grabbed his arm, forcing him out of the cocoon he had put himself in.

"We stop here, sir," she ordered softly.

"Negative," he gasped.

He tried pulling away but she hung on to him, and he found himself too weak to resist.

She tried making it more acceptable.

"We both need to rest."

He stared at her out of eyes filled with pain and exhaustion. He had no choice. As gently as she could, she helped him to lie down, placing her own rolled up jacket beneath his head as her eyes continued to make a 360-degree check.

When her hand reached out to check his forehead he jerked away, regretting it instantly as he hissed from the painful movement.

"You have a fever!"

"Tell me something I don't know." He didn't have the energy to sound pissed but Sam knew he was.

She started to move his clothing and he groaned, his eyes which had closed, opening instantly, warily.

"I'm just going to redress your wounds."

He shook his head, "I'm fine."

Sam's eyes narrowed. She didn't comment, just continued her work as quickly and efficiently as she knew how. At the same time she realized she was hurting him though he used every effort to contain it.

It was only when, in a no nonsense manner, she moved to undo his pants that his distant demeanour fled.

"Whoa!" He pushed her hands away, too weak to have much effect, but his persistence when he repeated this tactic suddenly made something inside Sam snap – tiredness and worry had reduced her tolerance levels to zero and the colonel's next listless move to protest her help was met with firm retaliation.

"Stop it!" and her hand slapped Jack's away. She stiffened, screwing her eyes shut and swearing silently but heavily. If he had cursed her back and complained bitterly, Sam would have immediately felt better but as it was she ended up having a guilt trip so heavy she wished it had been her CO who had struck her.

He now lay still, hands clenched at his sides, bitter eyes fixed on something past her shoulder.

It was with relief she was able to preserve his modesty, the wound running just below the waistband of his boxers so that merely by turning down the band Sam could clean, medicate and dress the gash to her satisfaction.

On completion, she attempted to replace Jack's clothing but this time he twisted unnaturally away from her making his own adjustments, pushing himself up before Sam was ready to assist and retracing his steps back to the stargate, not bothering to wait for his 2IC.

She watched his hunched figure for a moment, shaking her head miserably at the state of their abysmal relationship.

'Great. How to piss off an already badly pissed off CO in one easy lesson…Way to go, Sam.'

Wearily, she climbed to her feet, shouldered both their packs and followed until she had caught up with him.

Daring a sideways glance she was disturbed to see how grey his face had become, the effort to keep going proving too much as he stumbled. He would have fallen if she hadn't reached out and grabbed him, but he wasn't about to accept any favours from her and petulantly shrugged her helping hand off.

"I don't know what I did wrong in my past life to deserve this," she muttered under her breath, and it was at that moment she threw caution to the wind.

Shaking out two more painkillers she thrust them into Jack's hand, watching as he dry swallowed. She proffered her canteen, glaring as he hesitated and finally shook his head curtly in refusal. She knew he'd finished his own water a while ago – his fever had increased his thirst.

"Okay, colonel. This is what is going to happen," she snapped. "Either you are sensible and drink this or I'll sit on you and make you drink it."

Even feeling as sick as he did, he blinked in surprise.

Shit. He was too exhausted to argue. He allowed the flask to be held to his lips and drank deeply and once he'd finished, Sam took one of his arms gently looping it over her shoulder whilst putting one of her arms round his waist for added support.

She saw his grimace, how he hated his own weakness. "It's either this or you fall down in the next five minutes. I'm going for this option seeing as you told Daniel and Teal'c that I'd get you back."

He would have loved to argue but he knew better than his 2IC how true her words were. So gritting his teeth and setting his jaw determinedly, they continued on.

And even exhausted, the proximity with Sam drove Jack to expend energy which should have been conserved for the journey.

"So, Carter," he gasped, "which team were you considering? I…I hear… SG-11 is looking for…. another scientist."

Keeping a firm grip on her CO – her hands did possibly tighten when she heard the grated question but she forced herself to relax.

"I haven't thought that far, sir."

"I never thought I'd see you quit, Carter."

"Haven't quit, sir."

"Like…hell you have!"

"Merely regrouping."

"You don't say…Funny kind of regrouping."

Sam knew all too well he was struggling to continue the conversation, his breathing growing shallower with every word spoken.

"I think you need to conserve energy, Colonel."

"You…telling me to…shut up?"

"Yes, sir!"

He did just that, much to Sam's surprise. She had expected further argument but the strain of the journey had taken its toll even on her and, silently now, they pushed on.

------------------

His legs simply gave way. And when Sam strained to get him back on his feet he shook his head as aggressively as he could.

"No," he gasped painfully, shuddering with the effort. Pushing himself away from her support he allowed himself to sink to the ground, carefully cradling his stomach as best he could.

On her knees beside him, Sam gently shook him.

"Come on, sir. Just a little further. We can do it."

"No…you…go on."

"Can't do that."

Jack groaned as the pain of his wounds merged with the pain of Sam's stubbornness.

"Damnit, Carter…obey orders."

"I am – I'm taking you back."

His patience was wafer thin. "Goddamnit, Carter – do as you…are…told!" he gasped.

Ignoring his anger Sam cradled his head in her arm and put the canteen, holding the last of her water, to his lips.

In his utter frustration he tried feebly to turn away but Sam would have none of it, firmly turning his head back to her.

"Drink!"

He wanted to curse, remonstrate, shake her hard, but instead he was forced to lie helpless, unable to do the one thing he truly wanted – get her safely home.

"Carter, I--."

"Shut up and drink."

He shot her a look through his bloodshot eyes, a look that told her there would be payback, big time. Just not yet. Not now. And now was all she cared about.

He drank until he'd emptied her canteen, straining for more when she removed it from him.

He was vaguely aware of her hands on him, loosening his clothing, prodding him, moving him, disturbing him and he wished to hell she'd just leave him alone.

He thought he cursed her, but as his fever increased his thoughts became less coherent and he had nightmares of being put in an icy sarcophagus time after time between periods of burning heat that seared the lining from his throat.

He recalled arguing with her, grabbing at her hands which seemed constantly to be doing things to him, and holding them tightly, pulling her close, demanding, ordering, cursing and finally pleading with her to go back through the gate.

He relived the moment the beast had leapt at Carter, his desperate race to throw her aside and then the horrible reality of the claws ripping though his uniform, tearing his flesh, breaking his bones.

He twisted away from the pain, fought against the restraints of the ice and the fire and in the few still moments between each torture he would hear her voice calling to him softly.

"Stay with me, stay with me."

He was furious with her when he wasn't pleading and threatened dire consequences at her adamant refusal to do as he ordered. And so the spiralling nightmare of his existence continued taking him on a journey of never ending torture.

-------------

Go to Part 8


	8. Chapter 8

14

Starting Over Part 8

The all too familiar sound of beeping encroached on his tired thoughts and he was vaguely aware of mumbling an obscenity at being disturbed, trying to return to the safe cocoon that had somehow enveloped him. He had no intention of leaving his safe haven, especially when he knew that the ice and fire were waiting to clutch him back into their torment.

Dimly aware of a growing pain in his breast bone, he croaked out a stronger expletive and heard a disapproving gasp.

Sharp sounding steps approached him and then a voice, an oh so familiar voice, one to be feared.

"Open your eyes, Colonel. Come on, do this for me and we'll leave you in peace."

Hah! He'd heard that one before. He wasn't going to fall for that ploy.

"Go 'way!"

Hell, that didn't even sound human, just some awful groan from an alien species.

More movement and a cool hand brushing his forehead, the same voice sounding more relaxed.

"Hi there. We were wondering when you'd decide to join us."

His eyelids felt glued together – the effort to open them proving almost impossible to attain as he strained to do what was asked.

More effort. Crap, he felt weak. Then, at last, dim shapes, blurred, unreal. Slowly, when the panic receded that he hadn't become partially blind, he was able to open a little more.

Blinding light! God – he tried jerking away but a firm hand held his chin.

"Turn off!"

He was furious that his speech was too slurred to be understood.

Ah, no. Doc was a master at post-recuperative O'Neill language. Light off. Thank God.

"Sorry, Colonel. I know you hate it. I just needed to make one last check. It's over now. Rest easy."

Tired. So tired. He felt his eyes close of their own accord, too exhausted to even make the obligatory check on his own body to make sure everything was in its right place. He felt himself fading then abruptly yanked himself back as his brain zeroed in on one thought.

His lips moved, no sound. F—ck – he had to know! He could hear monitors beginning to make more strident noises unaware they were picking up on his stress levels. His body jerked as his brain sent insistent orders for him to move his ass.

Hands pressing down on his shoulders and legs. That same voice, concerned. "Easy, Colonel, take it easy. Just relax. There's nothing to get--."

"Jack! Jack, we all got back." Daniel's voice cut though all the other noise, eliciting an instant transformation in the patient.

Just as quickly as it began it ended and Jack quietened and lay still, his eyes closed, his breathing returning to normal.

"You must rest, O'Neill," Teal'c's calm voice cast ripples on his sleep befuddled brain. "Daniel Jackson, Major Carter and I have witnessed the extreme stress you have endured. Now you must allow your body to recover."

Feeling the demands of sleep urging him down into nothingness, he allowed himself the peace of slipping away, a niggle of doubt still hovering yet taking no shape.

As Dr. Fraiser adjusted the meds flowing into his bloodstream, she smiled to the others knowing the battle, though a bloody one, had been won.

"Okay people – you got what you wanted. Now it's my turn. The colonel is going to be asleep for a long time… I want you to do the same. Go. Now. Sleep." And when there was no movement, her tone hardened slightly. "If I have to, I can make that an order."

------------

It was a further forty-eight hours before Jack was able to open his eyes and stay awake for more than a few minutes. Nevertheless, each time, apart from the obligatory nurse, there was always a member of his team at his bedside proffering a spoon of iced slivers or whispering a few words of gentle encouragement as he travelled the difficult road to recovery.

Eventually, he could join in the conversation though Dr. Fraiser watched all of this with the eyes of a predatory hawk, ready to swoop down to shoo visitors away the moment she recognised any signs of weariness. And no matter how much Jack protested, she guarded him like a lioness her cub. Even General Hammond was not immune to her authority as he was evicted from the patient's bedside on a number of occasions.

What was, however, glaringly obvious to Jack in those first 48 hours of waking and sleeping was that his 2IC had never been there. At first he had wanted to ask for her, but his drugged mind had been unable to stay awake long enough to formulate the question and then, when he had been capable of doing so, his stubbornness prevented him from asking.

So when she did make an appearance on his first day of reasonable lucidity his reception of her had been icy cool to say the least. Noting her pale features and the shadows under her eyes, Jack had assumed she was working on something she simply found too compelling to be drawn away from.

Tightening his lips and giving a curt nod as he muttered her name, he told himself he could live with it.

She had drawn up a chair, careful not to get entangled in all the wires and tubes which were still connected to him and which he railed against whenever any medical personnel came within hearing distance.

"How are you doing, sir?"

"Peachy."

He could feel her wide eyes on him but kept his own gaze on his hands which were playing with the edge of the single sheet. There was a long silence.

"I guess you heard that Teal'c and Daniel came looking for us."

He nodded, still not meeting her worried eyes.

From across the room Janet was keeping a watchful eye on the proceedings though not, in this case, to watch over her patient. The petite doctor's lips thinned and her eyes narrowed as she observed the cold shoulder her friend was receiving and when, at last she saw Sam rise from her chair looking shell shocked, it took all of Janet's restraint not to go over and give Colonel O'Neill a piece of her mind.

-----------------

He was bored and all the staff in the infirmary knew how dangerous a situation that was. Some trod on tiptoes, some refused to deal with the colonel, while others took unexpected leave.

Janet knew the drill and was herself, desperate for an excuse to get rid of one ornery, stubborn, bad-tempered colonel as soon as was humanly possible. Unfortunately, he still wasn't well enough to be released into his own care. However, there was one possibility…

Her eyes lit up at the thought of a reprieve and instantly she was on the phone.

----------------

"Yes, yes, yes, no and no," Jack answered glibly, unable to contain his delight at escaping the confines of the infirmary even if it was Dr. Fraiser who was driving him home and who was now ensuring that he understood fully the rules he had to live by in order to get his release.

Waiting at red traffic lights Janet threw him a brief glance, smiling when she saw how bubbly he was.

"I swear if that seat belt wasn't holding you down you'd be bouncing off the ceiling."

"Damned right, Doc – no offence but I couldn't have spent another day in that place."

"Believe me, Colonel – the feeling of my nurses is mutual."

----------------

As Jack stepped through the door of his home, for one awful moment he had the gut wrenching feeling that he was going to find Carter waiting for him and he hesitated to the point that Janet put out a steadying arm, concerned that he was experiencing a dizzy spell.

Shaking off the feeling and shrugging off her help, he took in a deep breath, exhaling softly.

He made a beeline for his large, comfortable sofa and against her better judgment, Janet allowed it, watching him sink carefully onto it in obvious relief. She fussed over him for the next few minutes ensuring his medication was close at hand, that he was covered by a throw; the T.V. control was within reach and water the same.

At last, satisfied, she turned back to Jack who was already caught up in a game of ice hockey.

"One of your team should be arriving in the next half hour."

"Sure doc."

"I'll call in on the way home to make sure everything is fine."

"Sure doc."

"You are to take all, and I mean all, of your meds."

"Sure doc."

Janet's eyes narrowed and her lips tightened.

"It might help if you take a running jump off the nearest cliff."

"Sure doc."

Reaching for the control, Janet flicked the T.V. off and met an outraged glare from her patient.

With her arms crossed she struck an imposing figure which wasn't lost on Jack or the less than subtle outraged look she was throwing at him.

"You haven't been listening to a word I've said!" she accused.

He longed to kick up a fuss but couldn't quite manage to forget just who he wanted to argue with – it simply didn't pay to get on the wrong side of the person who wielded those heavy duty needles.

"Aw doc, c'mon," he entreated, giving her the look which had melted many a hardened female's heart but which Janet had slowly learned to grow immune to – well, almost.

"You can switch off the 'little boy lost' routine, Colonel. It won't hack it with me."

Damn! Shoulders slumping, Jack looked forlornly at the T.V. screen but Janet would not be swayed.

"Okay, okay Doc. I'm all ears."

Janet's eyes studied the silver-haired man who had become a good friend over the years. Even so, she hesitated to speak, wondering whether this was a good time or not. She took a deep breath.

"It's been a pretty rough few months for you, Colonel."

Sensing something, Jack's eyes moved away from the blank screen to rest on the doctor.

"Yea, you could say that." He sounded wary.

"It's been a hard time for the rest of SG-1, too."

'If this is going where I think it's going – STOP!' Jack thought grimly. "Doc?" The word was spoken in a cold, flat tone. Definitely warning her off she realized.

"I sort of noticed that you never asked where Sam was when you regained consciousness, not once…I figured--."

"You figured what?"

Janet blinked at the sharp interruption and forced herself to appear calm.

"I figured that was unusual."

Jack had dropped his eyes to stare at something on the floor but now he fixed her with a piercing glare.

"Not unusual, Doctor," he stated coldly, taking on an official tone. "I figured Carter must be busy working on one of her doohickeys – no sweat."

Janet could feel her irritation with Jack warring with her own keen sense of survival but her mind could not, would not tolerate an injustice and she pressed on, knowing she was treading on very thin ice.

Jack's whole demeanour shouted that this was a 'no go' area. Janet had dared to knock on the door and was receiving a slammed door in her face. She hadn't, however, gotten to where she was in the U.S.A.F. by knuckling under when the going got tough. The slammed door tactic wasn't going to work with her.

"She wasn't working on a doohickey…Sir."

The lines of pain around Jack's eyes and mouth tightened and Janet thought she caught a muttered obscenity.

"Whatever – it's her life."

He had picked a pen off the coffee table and began to twist it between his fingers, this way and that, his cold eyes boring imaginary holes in the carpet beneath his feet.

"No, it isn't, Colonel," Janet snapped back, pleased to see a glimmer of surprise in her patient's stiff demeanour. His hands stilled as he looked up.

"It may not be my place and Major Carter may not thank me but I'm going to have my say."

She paused to ensure she had the complete and undivided attention of her patient. If she was going to be up on charges after this little episode she decided she might as well get it right.

"Sir, do you remember anything of your journey back to the gate once Teal'c and Daniel joined up with you?"

She was getting that glare. 'Oh well, in for a penny in for a pound.' "I'll take that as a negative, Colonel."

Janet was pacing now as she got into the flow of her lesson whilst never letting her eyes move from the reclining figure.

"Teal'c carried you back …but the strange thing was, even though you were completely out of it, you wouldn't let go of Sam."

'Hah! Yet another reaction. Good!' Janet continued, "The moment you two separated, you would kick up an almighty fuss. And it didn't end there." Janet's eyes bored into the colonel and she was pleased to sense his disquiet.

"When you got to me, sir, you had a raging fever and started convulsing. We played a – not to be repeated, please – game of iced tub to I.V., backwards and forwards and though I would previously have sworn you couldn't possibly have been aware of anything in this period, you would only allow yourself to settle and allow my staff to do their jobs if Sam was with you. In fact, she became your nurse in the end."

Janet hadn't failed to see Jack squirming in discomfort, a deep blush travelling up his neck and face.

"No need to make a song and dance of it," he growled softly.

Janet froze, giving him a blistering glare.

"Colonel O'Neill," she snapped in outrage.

He cringed big time.

"Sam never left your side for the first 72 hours, even when she was dead on her feet; even when she collapsed from exhaustion; even when I ordered her to rest."

Jack's deep brown eyes seemed to grow more alarmed with every new clause reeled off by the CMO.

"It took the august presence and command of General Hammond before she would stand down, and even then the general had to make it a direct order!"

Jack could see Janet frowning, her eyes looking to the distance as she relived the memory.

"We weren't sure who to worry about most – you or Sam. And she even tried sneaking back!" Janet was now shaking her head in amazement. "Can you imagine?"

Jack couldn't. Not Carter. She'd never disobeyed an order in her life. He actually started to worry.

"You should be worried, Colonel."

Jack's eyes shot back to Janet's. Was he so easy to read? He was aghast.

"The general caught her trying to sneak back and read her the riot act."

Jack's grimace was most positively sympathetic – he could almost remember word for word the reaming he'd recently got, which reminded him – he'd still some unfinished business in No. 1 uniform with the general. Crap.

Janet continued watching Jack's response carefully.

"Though, the general did accept there were some mitigating circumstances that leant him towards a more lenient approach."

'Ah,' thought Jack, 'taking care of her CO must be worth a few kudos.' He fully approved the general's stance.

"The general felt that a certain negative influence by an undisciplined individual he chose not to name, could have led to Major Carter's temporary insubordination."

"Wha—at?"

Jack was sitting up now, the colour leaving his face as suddenly as it had appeared.

"So you see, Colonel, there was a very good reason why, when you surfaced from your illness, Sam wasn't around for quite some time."

She was glad to see that Jack was looking decidedly ill at ease with the information she had just made available.

"I hope," she said slyly, "you were suitably appreciative when Sam did manage to get permission to see you."

Jack's eyes widened in alarm as he painfully recalled just how 'appreciative' he had been.

He groaned miserably, his head dropping into his hands, his shoulders slumped in abject dejection.

'Crap, crap, crap!'

When he eventually raised his head he looked bereft.

"Colonel?"

What Jack wanted to do was to dig a hole and stick his head in it.

"Is your wound giving you pain?"

Jack shook his head.

"I...I…" 'Oh shit, oh deep shit.'

Janet's eyes glowed triumphantly – this was going better than she had ever anticipated.

She started to gather her things together.

"Doc?"

She paused, hearing the uncertainty and hesitation in his voice.

"I need to talk to Carter."

She stared at him, revealing nothing in her features. He looked uncomfortable.

"I…I kinda need to say a few things."

"Heard of a phone, Colonel?" She knew she was pushing it, but if Sam's recent expression was anything to go by – he deserved it.

He grimaced. "What I have to say needs face to face." He was actually blushing now.

"Please Doc. Either I'll go to her or-----."

"Out of the question, Colonel. By rights you should still be in hospital," she shot at him sternly. She watched him exhale, pain and worry warring with each other and for a moment she questioned whether she had done the right thing in allowing him to escape the confines of the infirmary so soon.

"Bed, Colonel."

His head shot up, pleading. "Aw, c'mon, Doc – the match."

"You'll be asleep in ten minutes, less, once your head hits that pillow."

He would dearly have liked to argue but she was giving him that look which he was all too familiar with, the one he knew was a complete waste of his breath to even attempt disagreement.

His eyes shot to the ceiling in disgust but he knew it would make no difference.

Later, relaxing in his large bed waiting for the arrival of Daniel, he felt his eyes growing heavy even as he struggled to stay awake. He wanted to ask his archaeologist friend a favour and needed to ensure Daniel would be receptive to his request before voicing it.

He had to see Carter, without delay, even if it meant driving, or rather being driven, to his 2IC's home. There were some things that needed saying and he had a lot of explaining – no, make that apologizing, grovelling or whatever it took to ensure she stayed with SG-1.

Damn, he'd made a mess of this, but he was determined to put things right. Hell, he'd live without the more important things in his life – having her love – as long as she stayed.

But that wasn't going to be easy – not after what he'd said to her when she'd visited him in the infirmary.

He groaned softly as he recalled every painful memory; his coldness when she had eventually shown herself, his words making him wince.

'I know you must have some of those important doohickeys waiting back at your lab, Carter, no need to hang around here.'

He could still picture her surprise, the tight lines of pain appearing round her eyes and mouth when he'd said this quickly followed by the coup de grace.

'I'll have a word with Colonel Millar as soon as they let me out of here – seems he's in need of a scientist for his team. Can't promise anything, mind you.'

He squeezed his eyes shut, shaking his head from side to side.

'Shit, shit, shit. Way to go, O'Neill!'

He had to see her, he just had to. He couldn't bear the thought of her misery that he was going to have her transferred from SG-1. What the hell had he been thinking of anyway? Suppressed memories of their night together rose unbidden as he lay awake, her smooth, soft skin, the light of desire in her brilliantly blue eyes, the gentle contours of hip and breast and the tantalizing dip to hidden secrets which had raised his own body to a raging awareness which, even now, as sick as he was, was having a very strong and obvious effect on him.

Again he groaned and would have turned on his front but for his more than painful wounds.

He started as he felt the cool hand on his flushed forehead, his dark eyes shooting open, undecided as to whether he was aghast or relieved to be facing a cool pair of intense blue eyes.

"Carter?" Was it a hallucination?

"You're starting a fever. I'd better call Janet."

"No!"

He could see her hands reaching for the single bed sheet to pull it down.

"I'll just have a look at your wound, sir, just to---."

"No!"

She stiffened for a second, her own eyes darkening.

God, he was causing that pain. Crap!

"I….I'm fine, Carter," he croaked weakly.

He could see her indecision – go or stay, stay or go. She glanced at her watch.

Was she going to leave him? He'd barely been able to take in her presence. His eyes roved hungrily over her face, the blood in his body seeming to have no intention of receding in the imminent future. He willed his hands to make no effort to hide his discomfort – he could not, would not, show himself up to be a hormonal juvenile unable to control himself.

He knew he was grimacing and saw the resolve in her flashing eyes.

"I'll change your dressing and it'll save Janet a chore."

"No!"

Oh hell, she would think he was just being difficult.

That was all he needed to make his ignominy complete. His hands had a death grip on the sheet held to his chin.

"Look sir," her voice had grown chilly. "I'm sorry if this is difficult for you. I really just wanted to--."

"It…It…It's not difficult," he stammered thus belying the fact. "I….I'm fine, really."

And seeing her giving him a sceptical look.

"Really!"

He suffered her reaching to feel his forehead again and was pleased to see a spark of relief in her eyes.

"Um, you do feel less hot."

Jack literally willed himself to think of an ice cold shower and slowly, very, very slowly, began to feel the benefit of such chilling thoughts on his body. He sighed silently.

"Feeling better, sir?"

His eyes shot open.

"Yea, yea, thanks."

He blinked, feeling her eyes still on him.

"Janet told me you wanted to speak to me?"

In the pause that followed, Jack could feel her look intensify – he looked away. His hands began to play with the edge of the sheet. He couldn't afford to make a mess of this.

'Get on with it,' he chided himself. 'She won't stay here forever.'

"Sit down." It sounded too much like an order. "Please!"

Her eyes widened. They'd started to take on that wary look again, the one he really didn't like.

"Look, Carter," he began briskly, "I know I've been a bit difficult--."

"A bit?" She exclaimed in exasperation.

His eyes met hers, his initial outrage changing to definite discomfort as his gaze dropped away.

"Okay," he mumbled self-consciously, "maybe more than a bit," he admitted grudgingly. "The thing is, I don't think something as inconsequential as that should have such an effect as to make you want to go running off to another team."

"Excuse me, sir!"

Damn, she not only sounded pissed, she looked highly pissed too! She had leaped to her feet and looked ready to fly.

"I haven't finished!"

Her blue eyes had taken on a stormy glare and Jack was beginning to wonder if he should have dealt with this in a different way.

"Carter, what I'm trying to say is – you're not going on another SG team."

He wasn't sure, as his eyes followed her carefully, what reception he had expected from her, but the outright anger, NO, make that fury, blazing out of her hadn't quite been on his list.

She was striding to his bedroom door, her erect back an all too obvious indication of her emotional state.

Castigating herself for even thinking she could expect Jack O'Neill to treat her fairly, she barely heard his calling of her name as she stomped down the stairs and was, even now, reaching for the outside door handle when she heard the ominous thump from above. Hesitating, even in her angry turmoil, she resolved not to return. She knew the sort of tactics he would stoop to and she wasn't falling for any of them.

The door was open now.

'Bastard!' she thought grimly – he'd called her to tell her she was no longer part of the SGC. Well, she wasn't going to go without a fight. No way. She would--.

"Sam, I'm sorry!"

She froze, totally unprepared. Slowly she turned, alarmed to find him swaying dangerously at the top of the stairs, a trickle of blood travelling from his left eyebrow down his pale cheek.

"Ja—ck!"

She knew she had never moved so fast in her life – not even when chased by a horde of Jaffa warriors intent on her blood.

------------------

Go to Part 9


	9. Chapter 9

N.B. Before reading the final part of this story I just wanted to thank my beta, Nell, who has been so incredibly supportive and monumental in not only making this story what it is but also getting Starting Over entered with Fanfic. If it weren't for you, Nell, this wouldn't be happening. I'd also like to thank all of you readers who have stayed the course and given such unwavering encouragement - cheers!

Starting Over Part 9 (Conclusion)

She was pacing. It seemed like forever that she had been moving backwards and forwards at the foot of the stairs, but finally she heard the door opening and closing and saw the CMO begin to descend.

"You've no need to look like that," Janet spoke crisply, "he's going to survive, no thanks to his mule-headed obstinacy!"

But seeing Sam's panic stricken face, Janet's severe expression melted away and she merely shook her head in consternation.

"He will be the cause of an early grave for me unless I make it abundantly clear I'm unwilling to go down that road!" And taking pity on the wide, anguished blue eyes watching her every move, she smiled. "Steri-strips have done the trick combined with a rather abrasive pep talk on what will happen to one particular Air Force colonel if he insists on ignoring my orders."

Janet moved to the kitchen and started to make some coffee.

"I've left him contemplating his navel and the strong possibility of a very painful procedure in his nether regions if I so much as get a hint that he isn't resting."

Janet grinned at the major's startled expression.

"The softly, softly approach doesn't work on our irascible colonel, I've found from bitter experience, so I've given him a taste of the short, sharp shock treatment and if his expression, when I left, is anything to go by, I'm of the opinion it will be a smooth ride from here on in."

Swirling the sugar round with a teaspoon, she handed a mug over, cradling the remaining one in two hands, her eyes alight with mischief as she continued to observe Sam over the rim of the mug.

"Well, I have to say you're looking a darn sight happier than I've seen you in a long time."

Blue eyes practically danced in response and Janet's senses went on high alert as she grabbed her friend's arm and eagerly led her to the comfort of the sofa.

"Come on – spill it, Sam."

Janet watched her friend closely.

"There's nothing to tell," and then seeing Janet's look she grinned widely, her eyebrows rising high in obvious amusement.

"Well?"

Unable to sustain the suspense any longer and unwilling to prolong the CMO's agony (she was known to have a long memory and even longer needles!) Sam stared joyously at her friend. "I'm really back – I'm back with SG-1."

Janet's eyes blazed with elation as she returned her mug to the coffee table.

"And did I ever doubt this outcome?" she scoffed, rolling her eyes expressively.

"You have got to be kidding!" Sam cried dryly, "Not with my colonel."

"Your colonel, eh?" Janet's eyebrows rose high

Dropping her gaze, bright colour suffusing her cheeks, Sam concentrated hard on her half mug of coffee.

"You know what I mean," she said offhandedly, working hard at appearing relaxed.

Janet wasn't fooled for a second and as her eyes narrowed she pierced the major with a laser glare.

"Nooooooo, don't think I do, Sam. Tell me – all of it!"

--------------------

Ready to depart in a well-satisfied frame of mind, the doctor was making a last check on her patient before making for home.

Entering the colonel's bedroom, she settled a stern look on her features – wouldn't do to let him know just how good a time she'd been having.

Having done the usual blood pressure and temperature checks she looked down on Jack with a severe scowl.

"Remember what I said, Colonel – you are grounded to that bed for the next 24 hours, your only reason for getting up being the bathroom – and you will call for assistance at such times."

Seeing that look of 'No way in hell' reflected in dark brown eyes, Janet paused, her own eyes narrowing determinedly.

Jack had been working to keep his face impassive under the litany of instructions but when Janet had thrown in that last impossible demand, he had baulked, his angry eyes revealing his disgust.

Crossing her arms, Janet fixed him with a steely glare.

"Any problems with that, Colonel?" she demanded dryly.

Silence in which Jack looked anywhere but at the CMO.

Reaching out, Janet took a firm hold of Jack's chin.

"I'd like an answer to that question, sir," she demanded, turning his face to her, demanding and getting through sheer will power that he look at her.

She saw it all – irritation, anger, obstinacy. But among all those negatives which drove her and her staff to the limits of their patience and back, she caught the vulnerability which he hated along with his loss of independence. She steeled herself, now was not the time to give in – lord though she wanted to, when seeing the pain he tried so hard to conceal.

Releasing her hold on him, she came and sat on the bed.

"I don't think you need to worry about Major Carter's sensibilities here, sir."

She watched as Jack frowned, and a hint of amusement touched her lips.

"Simply walking you to the bathroom is nothing compared to what she did for you when you were first brought back to the SGC."

Alarmed, dark eyes shot up to hers.

"What in hell does that mean?" he snapped.

Janet slowly rose to her tired feet. It had been a long day, made all the longer by this stubborn, bad-tempered officer. She decided a further lesson was definitely due.

"Colonel O'Neill, when it comes to sponge baths and ice tubs there is very little left to the imagination."

She was ready for his protest, though the deep blush rising up his neck did make her blink. She held both hands up, palms out.

"My staff and I are well aware of maintaining the dignity of the patient, Colonel, but you were the one kicking up a fuss when we tried to get Sam to leave – I have Lt. Kelly with a swollen cheek and Lt. Storm with a wrenched shoulder – they tried maintaining your dignity, Sir! In the end it was easier to make Sam an honorary nurse."

"Aw, crap." Jack groaned in dismay allowing his head to fall into his hands. "Don't tell me, I don't want to hear this."

Janet's grin was sweetly innocent though the gleam in her eye belied her smile.

"You're lucky, Colonel. Sam's a fast learner. And should I ever be short handed when it comes to dealing with your injuries – and I do seem to have a shortfall of nurses when you have an extended stay in my infirmary – I know I can always rely on Major Carter to help out."

Janet could barely contain her laughter as she walked to his door.

"She's certainly a dab hand with a Foley."

The roar of indignation followed her all the way down the stairs and she was chortling to herself when she picked up her medical bag and grabbed her keys.

Noticing her smug look, Sam slanted blue eyes up at her quizzically.

"You look like the cat who's got the cream."

"You could be right there, Sam…Well, that's me for the day – call if you have any other problems, though I don't expect you to have any more crises. The most you should expect is a call to help the patient make the walk to the bathroom."

Sam's eyebrows shot up almost to her hairline.

"Oh, he'll love that," she said sarcastically.

"Funnily enough, I really don't think he'll have any problems with it, but if he does start forgetting that he's the patient and you're in control – just whisper 'catheter' in his ear."

"Wha—at?" Sam sounded horrified.

"Trust me," chortled Janet coyly, elaborating no further as she mumbled words to the effect that Cassie would be giving her what for if she didn't get a move on.

---------

One week later Jack had just been cleared for light duties and was punching the air with a triumphant fist following the ordeal of one of Dr. Fraiser's more thorough physicals. With a self-satisfied grin plastered across his face, he was just reaching for his BDUs when Janet stepped behind the screen once more.

"Whoa, Doc!" Jack twisted nimbly to hide his rear view in the hated medical smock. "Give a guy a warning, won't you?"

"That's exactly what I am doing, Colonel," she returned dryly.

Jack frowned. "I don't follow your drift."

The small CMO smiled a little too brightly sending a slight tremor of apprehension down his bare spine.

"Doc?"

"It appears that General Hammond is awaiting your presence, Colonel, and he isn't expecting you in those," she said eyeing his standard uniform.

Jack's eyes widened, first in disbelief and then in alarm.

"Oh crap."

"He told me to tell you 0900 hours would be fine."

Jack's eyes shot to his wristwatch and he spluttered incredulously, "Ten minutes?"

Nonchalantly, Janet looked at her own watch. "Actually, sir, I make it nine."

Groaning in frustration, Jack grabbed his BDUs in one hand whilst attempting to retain his dignity in holding the edges of the gown at the rear with his other and limped hurriedly away to his quarters, with Janet smiling and shaking her head all the while.

---------------

Parade ground attention wasn't one of Jack's usual choice of stances, but he stood before General Hammond unmoving, and if the senior officer had chosen to raise his head from the sheaf of papers he was so carefully perusing, he would have been impressed with his 2IC's military demeanour. It smacked of precision and discipline.

Jack was kept waiting intentionally for a good ten minutes until General Hammond felt he had made a point with his recalcitrant officer. Then raising eyes which lacked the usual twinkle of warmth, Hammond stared hard at his most favourite officer.

"At ease, Airman."

Jack knew, all too well, this wasn't a by your leave to relax and take a seat. He adopted the strict regulation 'at ease' position, his eyes on a point just over his C.O.'s right shoulder.

"Why are you here, Colonel?"

Jack blinked at the softly spoken question.

'Sir, you--."

The general held up his hand and Jack's words werehalted full flow.

Hammond's light blue eyes travelled his 2IC's stern features, well aware of the gaunt angles in the still too pale face.

"Colonel O'Neill, I want you to think very carefully before you speak because," and here his eyes turned a frozen grey, "if you choose to give me one of your flippant answers, I assure you that the time you spend in your Class A's will be doubled."

'Crap.' Jack could feel a trickle of sweat beginning to make its way down his right temple, whilst his injured stomach muscles were making themselves felt in an unpleasant way. His brain was in scramble mode as it sought ways to extricate itself from the dilemma of one extremely irate general. He took a deep breath.

"I'm here to receive my punishment, Sir."

The two-star general was still glaring.

'Ugh oh – he wants more.' Jack frantically tried to think of something which would change his CO's look.

"And I'm here foremost to apologise." 'No change. Hell!' "Apologise big time!... I had no right…" And seeing Hammond's eyes burning hotly, "and especially, no reason, to say what I did. Whatever you decide to throw at me, I'll take without complaint, General." 'Agh, thank goodness, I think I detect a slight twitch to the general's shoulders… wish I could say the same for mine.'

Jack attempted to ease his position without moving – it didn't work. And still he waited and still the general chose to pierce him with his glare, though Jack was now positive there was a thawing of the icy barbs coming his way.

"Tell me, Colonel. How would you describe your actions when you addressed me prior to gateing to PX325530?"

Jack grimaced – this was so not a place he wanted to be right now.

"Inappropriate?..Asinine?...Blatantly juvenile?"

Hammond's eyes flashed.

'Bingo!' Jack patted himself figuratively on the back. 'Maybe this wasn't going to be so bad.'

It was at that point he saw his CO's eyes looking distinctly predatory.

'Or not!'

"Notwithstanding my keen inclination to march you to the nearest wood shed and find the supplest switch available…"

Jack felt his neck and face flushing violently, unable to meet the general's stare.

"…that is not an option open to me!"

Jack was aghast.

"However, it is well within my powers to confine you to base for the next two weeks, effective immediately."

The junior officer's eyes dropped to hide his distress.

Hammond ploughed on. "You will continue to wear your Class A's for that period and will report to my office every hour on the hour that I'm on base. Between times, you will deal with every requisition form conceived of in this man's Air Force and at the end of each week prepare a run down of all such requests."

Jack's already pale features were turning a distinct grey and at last the head of the SGC allowed himself the hint of a smile to touch his lips.

"Would you say the punishment is appropriate to the crime, Colonel O'Neill?"

What could he say? He forced his dull eyes to meet the general's clear blue ones.

"Most appropriate, sir."

The general, like everyone else on Cheyenne Mountain, knew how much Jack loathed paperwork of every type and description, but requisition forms had to be the worst of all.

He stifled a groan. 'Two weeks, two whole weeks of purgatory!' He shuddered, unable to hide his discomfort. Yet, as his disquiet grew the general's mood seemed to lighten considerably. In fact, the general's expression looked more than satisfied as he stared at his recalcitrant 2IC.

"Dismissed, Colonel."

Jack blinked, for a moment unmoving, and then slowly hewalked to the door. Hesitating, he turned his head to find his CO still watching him, his expression no longer icy.

"I…I really am sorry, Sir." And then he'd gone, leaving the general shaking his head in perplexity.

----------------------------

Two months later and all four members of SG1 had just exited the event horizon to another new planet.

Daniel was already gazing fixedly on a large edifice half a kilometre away whilst the remaining three surveyed their surroundings carefully.

"You're drooling, Daniel – close your mouth," Jack ordered, the laughter in his eyes hidden behind his shades.

Sam shook her head, giving her CO a patented 'behave yourself' look and set off in the lead to ensure their enthusiastic archaeologist didn't fall into any hidden trap awaiting an unsuspecting and overly eager explorer.

Jack was just about to follow when he felt Teal'c's gaze on him and he turned to the large dark warrior.

"What's on your mind, Teal'c?"

The Jaffa dropped his head to the side, still keeping Jack in his vision.

"It is a good day, is it not, O'Neill?"

The silver-haired officer observed the tall warrior with his gold emblem forever a reminder of his bitter past. Jack had plenty of his own visible and invisible emblems to remind him of his past but, just like Teal'c, he now had something to look forward to, something tangible, something that happened to look over her shoulder at that very moment, giving him one of those brilliant smiles which he knew was just for him.

Stepping off the dais, he clapped a hand on Teal'c's shoulder, following his colleagues.

"Damned right, Teal'c, damned right."

FIN


End file.
